Commented on a discussion 9/18/2009 at 8:27 pm
Our family convinced our 90 year old mother to move close to three of her children, because she had fallen several times, had a fender bender or two, her eyesight was getting worse, her hearing was ge
...Read MoreOur family convinced our 90 year old mother to move close to three of her children, because she had fallen several times, had a fender bender or two, her eyesight was getting worse, her hearing was getting a lot worse, and the relatives living close to her had called us and said someone needed to live with her. We tried to find someone to do this and she objected. Our mother wanted to stay independent, living by herself as she had done since our father's death, 38 years ago. My sister found her a beautiful place that served two meals a day, had covered walkways, beautiful oak trees, pool, golf course, many activities, transportation and evening and morning check in with the facility. She had about 1200 square feet of living space. She hated it from day one. She refused to participate in any meals or activities, she lost weight and was constantly complaining about the facility. We finally called in everyone for an emergency family meeting to see if we could not make her understand she had to accept her new arrangements. She absolutely refused. She has always been difficult and demanding. She had several tanturms to the point we had her evaluated for mental illness. Finally, we moved her two times more, and purchased her a life line as she did not want anyone to monitor her. After several more falls and finally a broken hip has put us in a new situation. Out of five children, four have serious health issues and we are all over sixty. She is in a wonderful facility for rehab and nursing. Even though, she has always been very active, this hip break has scared her. She is rapidly recovering, now 93 years old. She has started talking about going home and has stated if she has to stay in a place like this ( a wonderful place) she would give up. What she does not know, as we are not sure of recent results of a recent cat scan, she may have pancreatic, liver, kidney cancer. We are at a loss of what to do if this turns out to be true, hopefully not. Even if it is not cancer, she is still legally blind and deaf in one ear and hearing loss in the other and should have 24/7 care. She does not want to live with any of us as some of us have tried this in the past, and she did not like it, at all. We found in home care will be very expensive, and they would only last a few days. She does not have the income or assets for this to happen even if all her children helped with the expense. I guess what I am asking is what would be the best way to tell her that a facility is the only answer? My sister and I are faithful with daily visits, doing little things for her and so on? We most certainly will not abandon her. Our brothers live miles away and are in hiding. I am at a total loss if she goes south on us. Even if she is difficult, she is my mother, and I will care for her as long as I am able. I guess I am just venting, help!!!!