Commented on a discussion 8/19/2009 at 11:48 am
I don't think the author is saying that EVERY caregiver falls into the martyr role but some do. I know I did for quite a long time.
I am the caregiver to my mom and dad and my brother live
...Read MoreI don't think the author is saying that EVERY caregiver falls into the martyr role but some do. I know I did for quite a long time.
I am the caregiver to my mom and dad and my brother lives 2,000 miles away. I wanted him to be exactly like me and as involved as I was and of course that's not possible. And whatever he tried to do, I'd complain to friends about HOW he did it and how it wasn't up to MY standards or how I would do it. When I was able to watch another caregiver interact with her family and observed how she took every question from them about their mom's care as a challenge, I started to look at my own behavior. I was doing the same thing. Her siblings were asking loving questions. She took offense. If my brother suggested anything, I immediately jumped down his throat over it.
So I stepped back and tried to accept that my brother's relationship with my parents will never be like mine. He's the loser, not me. He'll have suggestions and when they're good ones, I'll implement them. I've relaxed a LOT and guess what? I'm a LOT happier. My fussing and fuming at him was hurting ME, not him.
Every caregiver situation is different and we just have to come at them with all of the grace, humor and love we can. We're all doing the best we can...even our out-of-state siblings.