Moving to Nursing Homes and Assisted Living Facilities

Does any area of the country offer more affordable assisted living options?

While reviewing assist living options for my grandmother we discovered that comparable facilities in the next town (only 20 miles north) where about 30% less expensive.

I had an experience similar to Caring4Alice. We researched assisted living facilities in our town, as well as in a radius up to an hour away from where we live, and found a great residential community that was thousands of dollars less a year.
It definitely pays to look in your neighboring communities.

How do you get a beligerent 93 year old father-in-law that an Assisted Living or Senior apartment for him and the 88 year old mother-in-law would be best. They refuse to even listen to the possibility. Even though they are both fairly mobile, he chooses NOT to help out with simple tasks that would make it easier for everyone involved.

This is difficult but can be done. I have been reading about this issue because I am in a similar situation. From articles I have read, it seems that only a very small number of people end up disliking these facilities once they are there. Activities and meeting people they can connect with end up overshadowing the negatives they perceived. They are probably concerned that they are going to be abandoned in such a facility. Look in your area for a few good choices. Bring the in-laws the information and suggest a one day visit. If you make the right choices, chances are that they will see the value. Let them know that you are concerned about their saftey and happiness and that this choice would also help you and your husband feel secure in knowing they are in a good place. A geriatric care manager can also help with this transition.

Nancy, No doubt you are in difficult situation with your in-laws. However, it is a common dilemma among caregivers. No one wants to leave their home. But there are some effective ways to open the lines of communication that might help. If you search for Communication from our search box, you will see an ariticle with tips on addressing the issue with your in-laws. In addition, you can click on the Living tab and see an article on "How to conduct an assessment" to determine if your in-laws are safely able to remain at home. TBoneDan's suggestion of talking to a geriatric care manager in your area is also a good idea. Sometimes, its easier for the elderly to speak with a objective third party, rather than having an emotional discussion with a loved one.

Have you considered Home Health Care as an option for your-laws? Help in the form of companions, health care aides and registered nurses is available. These professionals come into the edlerly's home, and help them with everything from cleaning and preparing meals to taking medications and administering shots. Some form of home health care might be more attractive to your in-laws, who can remain in their home, while providing you some much-needed relief and assistance.

My mother moved into assisted living about 6 months ago. She is 5 minutes from my house. My brothers and sisters live about 2 hrs. drive away. The facility she is in is just wonderful and we are very pleased with her care. I see her almost everyday and my siblings visit often. Biggest problem is mother's lack of motivation. Can't say this is anything new, but we hoped it would change when she got around others. Having always been a friendly person, she is withdrawing more and more into herself. She rarely initiates conversation with any other residents. She would just as soon stay in her room and doze the day away. She can wlk with her walker, but tries wants to be pushed in her wheelchair. The other residents seem to want to do all they can for themselves, but she wants to be done for instead. She is on an anti-depressant. This lack of motivation is so frustrating and I feel so helpless. Nothing seems to work. Any suggestions?

Prior to moving into assisted living, how long was your mother in her home? 6 months to adjust after spending a majority of ones life living in your own home just may not be enough time. My mother is just now starting to develop friendships after 18 months in assisted living. Change is hard on them. Give her time (that's hard for us).

Is there a guide or handbook that rates nursing homes and assisted living facilities in my area? What are the differences between the two? My Mom is 84, has end-stage Alzheimer disease and currently we have some home health care but I can see that this may not be viable in the future as the disease is progressing rapidly. This is taking a tremendous toll on my elderly father and I need to lessen the guilt he and I both feel. I swore I would never think of putting Mom in a home but I think I may not have a choice in the coming months and want to be prepared for the inevitable.

There are 3 places I would look. First, the Edlercare Locater. This is a national resource that helps peopel find seniorcare resources.

The website Medicare.gov has a nursing home comparison report by state. It's pretty comprehensive.

Finally, there is a National Long Term Care Ombudsman resoruce at 202-332-2275. They are better known for helping to advocate/resolve issues for those receiving care, but they can also help find a home.

Hope this helps.

There are 3 places I would look. First, the Edlercare Locater. This is a national resource that helps peopel find seniorcare resources.

The website Medicare.gov has a nursing home comparison report by state. It's pretty comprehensive.

Finally, there is a National Long Term Care Ombudsman resoruce at 202-332-2275. They are better known for helping to advocate/resolve issues for those receiving care, but they can also help find a home.

Hope this helps.

My parents (85 & 90) have been living in an assisted living facility, but now my dad is getting worse requiring more care. I arranged for them to have a 24/7 aide who sleeps in their apartment. I think my dad is having neurological problems but he refuses to see a neurologist. At some point, my parents might require different living arrangements to better suit their needs, especially my dad's. He can barely move, walk or get out of a chair. He can't make it to the bathroom on time. He is stubborn as an ox, and I can't tell him anything without an argument. I don't want any more arguments, so I have to take over his finances immediately. He will give me a fight but I have to do this.

What happens when he needs more help, but I don't even know what kind of help and what facility might be a better place to live to accommodate him? Who would be the best person to give me ideas?

We moved my Mom from her home to an assisted living, dementia unit facility on April 12th. She was a little unsteady on her feet but walking with no assistance when we moved her. Since then, her ability to get up and walk has seriously declined. She has fallen at least 12 times that we know of and has been to the hospital 3 times. She has sustained a subdurral hemotoma and was in intensive care for 3 days. The facility we moved her to does not believe in restraints of any kind, and the staff is doing their best, but she continues to fall.
We are desparate for help with any suggestions or alternative facilities that may be better suited for her. Thank you.

Hi Lois, sorry to hear about your Mom's problem with falling. Just about 3 years ago, my parents also sold their home to move int an assisted living. My mom is now 86 and my dad is 91. When they moved in, they were both walking on their own unassisted. My mom needed to use a walker by then but was in a total state of denial, blaming her falls because turning wrong or other excuses. The day they signed up to move there, my mom could see that just about all the women were using walkers. Some on staff asked her where her walker was, and from that day forward the assisted living provided her with the appropriate walker and she is using it ever since. She has dementia, while my dad has more physical needs than she does.

My dad fought me tooth and nail because he refused to use a cane when he needed one and when he later on needed a walker, he also gave us a huge fight. Finally the facility gave him another type of walker.

What I'd like to ask you is - does your mom have a walker now, and if not, why not? The facility will provide one, but if they don't do it on their own, you would have to get the ball rolling by letting the nurses know she needs one and she should could easily get one (paid by Medicare).When you speak of restraints, does that mean your mom roams around when she shouldn't be and is falling in places where she has to be found and picked up? Doesn't she have a pendant around her neck to call the front desk in an emergency?

Why not do another post here and go into more detail, and I might very well have more and better answers to suggest to you. I see my parents weekly, and as things happen, I always bring them up to the head nurse, or call their doctor as necessary.

Good luck, and please do another post.....Take care of yourself!!

My Mom had mild dementia and was living alone. She is 87. 6 weeks ago, she unexpectedly had major heart failure: 2 weeks in hospital, delirium, and 4 weeks in rehab. She is now stable, ambulatory, but her dementia has understandably gotten worse. This week, I will move her to assisted living near my home (Her home was over 100 miles away) SHE SAYS ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! However, going home is not a possibility because of her heart...and her confusion.
When agitated she gets terribly belligerent. I have suggested to her that the move is going to happen... I expect next Friday (moving day) to be a nightmare. HELP! What do I do to get her in the door? (I know once there she will be happy...she was even happy in rehab) She will fight and scream and kick and curse....not at all the "lady" who was my Mom.... how do I manage?