Balancing Your Personal Life and Caregiving

When you're a caregiver, the scales can tip wildly when you least expect it. That's hard, particularly if you're already feeling stretched. A minor medical emergency makes it impossible for you to get to work all morning, or to focus when you do. Your teenager is furious because he'd like a ride to the soccer field and you are overbooked with tasks that can't wait. You'd love to have a night out with friends, but your mentally confused mother lives with you, and who would stay with her while you are out? Seeking balance doesn't automatically ensure that these situations will change. But redistributing some of the weight can make your days easier, more enjoyable, and more productive.

Work and Caregiving
If you work outside the home — as an estimated three out of five caregivers do — you may feel pinched between warring responsibilities. When you cannot afford to lose your job or to seem unavailable for new work challenges, the conflicts escalate. The following tips may help you strike a better balance.

Check work-life or employee assistance policies. Many companies find it pays to ease the burden on valuable employees by offering family leaves or flexible hours, for example, or picking up part of the tab on adult day services or home aides.

Inquire about flex-time, a different shift, or telecommuting. Most flex-time policies require set hours, but your supervisor may be willing to accommodate your needs by allowing you to come in late when necessary as long as you make up the time. Taking a less desirable shift may mean you can work shorter hours or work during hours when someone else is available for caregiving. Telecommuting from home can be helpful, but be aware that it can be hard to get work done if the person you care for will be there and is intrusive or suffers memory loss.

Take a pay cut. Part-time work or job sharing can ease your load if your employer accepts this and you can afford it.

Set work priorities regularly. Use a day planner or simple lists. Map out time for uninterrupted work on projects. If you know you have an important meeting, arrange backup emergency plans so that you can get there even if something goes awry at home. That may mean asking your partner, a family member, or a neighbor in advance to cover for you or even paying a professional to do so.

Use lunch time and breaks judiciously. During lunch time, it's tempting to rush around doing all your errands or to make up for missed work, but this can add to the stress you feel. Try to set aside at least part of a few lunch hours per week for spending time with co-workers you enjoy, going out for a walk, or simply reading a book.

Try not to trespass on work time. Save personal calls for a short period during lunch or breaks. And do the same for personal e-mails and Internet research, if possible. Many companies have policies that prohibit personal use of computers, so it may be necessary to use a home computer, go to the library, or ask a friend for help.

Personal Life and Caregiving
If the person you are caring for lives with you, the demands of caregiving rarely let up. Running errands, making phone calls, juggling finances, and making trips to the doctor soak up hours, too. The sad part is that it's easy to shunt aside anyone not clamoring for your attention — and even some of those who are quite vocal about wanting it. Often, your relationship with your partner, spouse, or children is squeezed unmercifully by other demands. And getting a quiet moment alone seems like the impossible dream. This section includes tips that can help you stay connected to the important people in your life and carve out a bit of personal time.

Bundle errands. Make a weekly master list of everything that needs to be done, including appointments, shopping, drugstore runs, trips to the gas station, and other errands. Dole out simple tasks, if possible, or do as much as you can in one time slot.