Opening the Lines of Communication About Care Needs

What is the best way to locate a geriatric care manager in my parents' community?

I think that a geriatric care manager can help you intervene with the issues you describe. Here is a link to the association for geriatric care managers. You can locate them by zip code.

Also, the next time your husband says he'll lend a hand, take the opportunity to do something for yourself. This is a stressful role and your health is a priority. Good things come to good people.

http://www.caremanager.org/

Thank you so much for your reply. I have been so stressed out for the last month or so with my dad's health, that I have neglected to take out a portion each day for some "me" time. I know how important this is, yet I have been so focused on my dad's health for the last month or so, that I haven't taken enough time out to enjoy life. I tend to crawl into my shell sometimes when I get too upset for my own good.

Once I hire some kind of care manager or even social worker, I will have that person to lean on to guide me the way. Someone to advise me on what to do so I can help my parents without "losing it" all the time.

My father also has Alzheimers and is becoming more and more resentful and stubborn every passing day. I wanted my daughter to move upstairs from him so she could keep an eye on him and the family could feel more at ease knowing that we have a trusted family member to watch over him. He is just not having any of it, he don't want anybody to help take care of him! He can take care of himself and wants us all to just leave him be!
My father is still driving his car even though his license has been revoked and he is also hard of hearing. He rarely bathes himself anymore, I can't remember when he last washed himself in the shower, or even a sponge bath out of the sink?
What can I do with this angry bitter father of mine without breaking his spirit?

Cherikee,

I can really feel for you having a stubborn father like I do. Most of the time when an aide is ready to help my parents shower, they give him a hard time and refuse. I think what you need to do is try to find an aide to come in and try to deal with your dad about bathing and taking care of himself. If it works, great, and if it doesn't, there's nothing else you can do. You cannot argue with your dad about this. I argued plenty with my dad, and it was making me physically ill. Please do not allow that to happen to you. You are only one person and there is just so much you can do. Just do the best you can, without giving up your own life to live. Try to get yourself out of the house as often as you can for your own sanity.

Thank you for the friendly advice. I know that I cannot change my father, whether he has Alzheimers or not, {he was always stubborn}. The only thing I am able to change is how I choose to react and deal with the situations I am dealing with. I am going to take one day at a time, and if that means taking a break from him for a few days... then thats what I will do. I will not risk losing my own sanity. I do have other family members {siblings} who also are trying to help out in this matter. Unfortunately there is alot of information we all have yet to discover and learn about along this difficult journey.

Cherikee, You are going about dealing with your dad just as I am - one day at a time. There have been times I even had to turn off both my phones. Just needed my own time and space. You are fortunate to have your siblings try to help you. I have one sibling who lives far away and never provides the help I ask him for. I was getting myself really depressed and had asked him to take over for awhile. He then called me and emailed me what seemed like every other minute. From that point on, I have come to realize that I have to make all decisions by myself. Very hard to do, but it works best. I have lots of info to discover also.