How to balance an elder's sense of purpose and dignity with their safety

It is so very important to let the elder live with dignity for as long as possible. I know it is hard at times for the caregiver to make the calls needed. Thanks for providing us such a thought provoking post, Carol.

Mom was a housewife her whole life. Now she has Parkinsons which has made it impossible to walk without help. I do have to restrain her because she also has dementia, anxiety and depression. She also has severe OCD which causes her to be in constant motion. If she is sitting, she will try to stand up 40 to 50 times/minute! She loves to fold laundry, but keeps trying to stand to do the work, or wants to put away each piece after she folds it.
The dementia has made it so that she can't understand it is unsafe for her to walk. As soon as she gets up, she falls. She has been to the hospital many times for e-rays and stitches, and was in rehab twice after falling. I am with her all the time, and can't do laundry or even cook without tying her down. I put her in a wheelchair against the table to eat. She will buck the chair back numerous times while eating.
She used to love to read, but was not a hobby person. She liked doing housework, but is no longer capable. If I try to find her something to keep her busy, she says she doesn't want to, or is bored within 5 minutes. All she wants to do is get up and walk. She cannot comprehend using a walker or wheelchair, and thinks if I let her use them, that she has free rein and can go anywhere she wants. When I do let her free, she drags me all over the house. All she wants to do is pace. I prevent her from falling dozens of times a day.
How do you deal with someone like this without restraining them. I'm exhausted from trying to keep her down. I have no ideas left to keep her busy.

My 93 year old mother was diagnosed with dementia about 6 years ago. It has been a slow process, but she is not capable of logic, or reason, and if allowed would do some very bizarre things. She is not bed ridden, and is quite mobile, and capable a getting around pretty well, even those we have notice that she is becomming more and more feable. She has always been very independent, and a workaholic. If we attempt to stop her from doing things like lighting a furnace that is already lit, or taking a hammer to a working t.v. to fix it, she becomes combative. Medication keeps her a little calmer, but she appears depressed, because she is not able to maintain the busy life style she once had. She has 24 hour care givers because she lives alone. She has never been a social person, and crowds bother her. She can only relate to close family members. She is very small in stature, she also has a bad heart, and when agitated can rip doors off the hinges. How do we deal with her without getting her agitated, and without getting injured ourselves? Is there an agency that can come to the home to help with activities.

Linda, Don't know what to tell you! Mom is the same way and also has Parkinsons as I said before. She only weighs 110, but is very hard to restrain when she's in her "nasty" mood. I'm only 5'2", but since I have been caring for her, I now weigh 160! Yikes!!!! I'm a very strong person and have done heavy physical work all my life, but I have trouble holding Mom when she gets ornery. I've twisted my knee, back, shoulder, which I had rotator cuff surgery on, last May. I've also gotten my fingers close to being broken when trying to keep her from falling. Some days end with me feeling like I fell down 3 flights of stairs! I don't know what to tell you. I do know that it is hard to find someone to help care for a combative elderly person. It is also hard to place them in some nursing homes, as they do not have the staff to keep a constant eye on them.
I do know that drugging them to calm them down, should be a last resort. Our results from trying such meds went terribly wrong. So I just keep doing what I do and hope that Mom is going to have a good day.
When your mom gets really bad, you might want to have her checked for a UTI. This can alter them drastically, both physically and mentally. They become very incoherent and MEAN! It's usually a sure sign for me that Mom has a UTI.
Good luck, and hope you find some answers to your dilemma. Let me know if you do.

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My question is about providing a place for dignity, safety, and sense of purpose. Is there a demand for private day care for seniors living with family, who shouldn’t be left alone during the day, but who for some reason a regular adult day care is not a good option?

I read a paper on intergenerational day care where seniors and preschoolers benefit from spending time together, but it was for legislation to regulate an institutional approach to the idea. The point about the seniors and little ones interacting was that mentoring the children gave the seniors a sense of dignity and purpose, while their needs for safety and assistance were also being met.

It sparked my interest because I used to love “granny sitting” a neighbor of mine, and babysat all the time when I was a teen. Now my job is substitute teaching in a large district. It isn’t as much fun as baby sitting or visiting with senior citizens.

I am wondering if a small, private, in-home alternative would be a good option for some people. I am most interested in the idea of a couple of senior ladies and a couple of preschoolers for all day Monday to Friday, but also want to know what the demand for a drop-in hourly type option would be. Assuming the caregiver meets your every wish and expectation for quality of care and attention, would this be a service you would want? Any and all input is appreciated.