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Preventing financial abuse and exploitation of elderly parents

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Some have called elder abuse “the crime of the century”. One of the few ways to stop financial elder abuse is to report it. If you suspect that this is happening to someone you care about, it is important to know what to do.  Here are the steps you can take to report financial elder abuse.

Sadly, most abusers are family members.  I have heard numerous people tell me that their aging loved one was being taken advantage of by a relative, but that they “didn’t want to make trouble” for the relative, so they weren’t going to get the police involved.  This is frustrating for any lawyer to hear.  In their minds, abuse is better than “making trouble”.

I can’t report it, as the names are kept secret from me by these individuals.  Most often, they call to confirm their suspicions that a certain action sounds like financial elder abuse. I listen, I tell them it does sound suspicious, and to please call the Elder Abuse Hotline. Then, they do nothing.

Maybe you’re one of those who do nothing, or perhaps you’re considering reporting this crime, but don’t know how to do it.  If you think an elder in your life has been or is being abused, I can only urge you to speak up.  You need details to make a useful report of financial abuse.

The process varies from state to state, but in most situations, law enforcement has a reporting form which allows you to make a report of abuse confidentially.  In any report, whether written or verbal, certain essential information must be included in order to permit law enforcement to do its job.

You must name the elder whom you think is being abused, and identify the address where the elder can be found.  You must name the suspected abuser, and provide that address if you have it. You are not required to give your name, but it can be helpful for you to answer law enforcement’s questions as an investigation of the suspected abuse begins. If you report abuse, the matter will likely be referred for investigation, and an experienced investigator will contact you. If you are afraid of the suspected abuser, you can remain anonymous.

You will need to identify the location of any suspected actions which appear to you to be abuse, whether they are at the elder’s home, or a facility caring for the elder. Next, you need to specify what you saw or heard that caused you to suspect abuse., and when it occurred.  General comments are not helpful to law enforcement.  As an example, “My nephew has been ripping off his grandmother for years” is not as helpful information as “My nephew, John Smith, took his grandmother’s checkbook, and I heard him threaten her if she didn’t write him a check out of it last Sunday.”

Law enforcement needs witnesses and other evidence to make its case against an abuser.  Identify the witnesses who are aware of the suspected abuse. The more specific things you can provide, and the more witnesses you have to back you up, the better.  The district attorney in your county or state has a better chance of stopping an abuser by getting him or her convicted of a crime if you can help provide the necessary evidence the D.A. can use in court.

If you believe that this crime is taking place, there is no easy way to stop it.  Reporting it takes the matter out of your hands and puts it on law enforcement to protect the elder. We cannot stop the horrible effects of elder abuse unless we are willing to speak out and report the facts.

If the suspected abuser is a family member, it may be painful to meet your duty, but we encourage you to go forward and report this crime for the sake of protecting our vulnerable elders.  Some elders are threatened and intimidated by their abusers and are too frightened to report the problem themselves.


Carolyn Rosenblatt is a Registered Nurse and an Attorney, with 40 years of combined experience in her two professions. She, together with her husband, Dr. Mikol Davis, a psychologist, is the founder of AgingParents.com, a resource for those who are caring for aging loved ones at home or in facilities. She is the author of “The Boomer’s Guide to Aging Parents,” offering practical solutions to common legal and health care problems caregivers and adult children of aging loved ones face every day. Visit her online at www.agingparents.com

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Daughterinlaw said
May 3, 2010

I need some advice on dealing with an aging mother-in-law. The problem is more with fighting siblings than with Mom. A year ago, Mom fell and broke a hip. She spent 3 months in the hospital and then went home with one of her sons. His unemployed 30-ish daughter (Mom's granddaughter) was living with them and he felt she could help with Mom's care. After a month, the son's wife told me she wanted both the mother and daughter out of her house and a few of the sons (there are 8) started looking at alternative living arrangements. The oldest son (with the Power of Attorney) told Mom and the 5 youngest sons that Mom did not have enough money for assisted living and would have to go back to her home with the granddaughter to care for her. Unfortunately the decision was made by the three oldest sons with no negotiations. It was the answer to their problem of what to do with Mom and they no longer had to deal with the problem. Unfortunately, most of the sons either don't know what to do, don't care, or don't consider it their problem. There is a difference of opinion as to whether or not Mom needs 24 hour care or just through the night. Mom seems to love the attention, but when unaware someone is watching, actually does pretty well on her own. For various reasons, the granddaughter is not the ideal caregiver, who now wants weekend off and it is mandated by the second son that all 8 sons would switch off and take Mom on the weekends. We would take her to our house, but we live in a different city and both work days. Those of us who want a better situation for Mom are running into a brick wall with the three oldest sons. I have had people tell me that their parent went into a nursing home and only had to sign over their social security paycheck. I'm sure it is not that easy, but don't know where to start. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

SecretSister said
Jun 5, 2010

Daughterinlaw, you bring up some legitimate concerns, but nothing specifically indicating financial abuse, as outlined in the above article. Working things out with family members can be very tricky, and probably made more complicated with you being an "in-law." I can't give specific advice because I don't know all the details in your situation, but sifting through the threads here, one can learn a lot. There is no easy, one-size-fits-all answer. Best wishes for your MIL and family situation.

robert888 said
Jun 5, 2010

LAWYERS - I have a bit of a problem with this article and it's slant and choice of words. For example, "Sadly, most abusers are family members." So what? It's also true that "most caregivers are family members." It pre-deposes nothing.

And what's with the "are you a do nothing" person bit? Most third-party persons cannot easily see what it takes "inside the home" to take care of frail elderly and the very normal challenges that come along with it.

I'm not saying don't report a crime, but I'd much rather see people putting in some effort to bring around an extra plate of lasagna, offer to pick up and take someone to the grocery store, etc. If you are close to those around you, then you'll know what is happening and not have to guess and hide behind anonymity and hotlines.

In our litigious society, it is only the lawyers that come out on top. I can just imagine an already stressed out caregiver having to deal with a knock on a door by some police officer or case worker, and having to explain something that is "not" happening.

Ms. Rosenblatt, I'm sure your heart is in the right place, but why not write an article here at "AgingCare.com" about how we caregivers can demonstrate we are not doing a "negative" in the face of an elder losing weight, falling and bruising, writing checks to scams, and how we might actually find the time to document a negative in the midst of already over-taxed lives.

We are caregivers here, not social workers needing to look out for other people's family, nor are we abusers. Are you up to the challenge?

Let's say I piss off my co-worker and he reports me out of spite and malice. Or even something more common, a distant sibling is looking out for the pot of gold and reports something in because they have no clue as to the day-to-day reality of an elderly person losing it all.

How in the world do I demonstrate to someone my dad is being well cared for? Shoot video? Open up his confidential medical records to some lawyer? Have a man with Alzheimer's write up a note? Invite the social worker and police officer over for dinner and have them try to get him to eat his vegetables? Ask the case manager to come mop up the pee on the floor in the morning and do his laundry before we go out to the movies together so that he doesn't smell? Reduce his meds so that he gets snippy at the cop?

Here's a title for you, "A Caregiver's Defense, When Others Don't Understand."

AlwaysMyDuty said
Jun 5, 2010

Elder abuse the crime of the century? What about the government and lawyers throwing a wide net that misses the worst cases on one end and on the other end, sticks their noses into what should just be a family's private business and God only knows about the in-between? SecretSister, Robert and I have been through the lawyer thing and it's not a pleasant experience. Just because a person is elderly doesn't mean they're automatically set up to be abused, but that's not the mindset of the government or some lawyers.
Robert makes a valid point about being reported. . . by anyone. It doesn't seem "you are presumed innocent until proven guilty" anymore.Get reported and you'd better get ready to fork over lots of cash so you can prove the allegations are false. You gotta pay those lawyers and possibly govt fines. Do you know how many people, especially caregivers, live in fear of being put in this position? My mother, when we didn't do what she wanted, threatened us with elder abuse. I only have contact with her through her attorney. I have no idea what she has in mind for me, I just have to wait and see .Add in a ruthless paid caregiver and the picture isn't pretty. I'm not seeing elder abuse here unless you're talking about what SHE is doing to me and my family. But I'm sure, according to the government and lawyers, she is a statistic and added to the roles of the abused.
It's gotten out of control and I'm not talking only about elder abuse. Nowadays, you have to watch every word, every action and often times, your own opinion, lest here comes the government and lawyers. A long time ago, I said the downfall of America would be greed of the almighty dollar. I don't think I'm too far off on this. But I'd like to add to this all the laws on the books that the majority of the citizenry doesn't even know about. Does every caregiver know every law that pertains to them? I doubt it.
Elder abuse the crime of the century? I can't agree.

SoAlone said
Jun 5, 2010

WE suspect my sister-in-law of having moms bank accounts and CD accounts renewed with her name as the second. I am sure MOM believes if she dies the sister-in-law will disperse with her 6 brothers equally but I don't think it works that way.

We don't want to press it or ask to take Mom to the banks to check it out because we don't want to look like we are worried about getting money when she dies. So we do nothing. It is a weird paranoid world. And with everyone living to be so much older it is only going to get worse.

I am sure Mom trust SIL completely but no one else does. But who wants to start a mess or fight when Mom is already in a home and depressed.

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