When my uncle had in-home health care, he liked a couple of the caregivers, he thought one was okay, and barely tolerated two others. I wasn’t always there to witness his behavior, but I’d say that the caregivers he didn’t particularly like were not thrilled with him, either. Yet they did their job.
My neighbor, Joe, had a similar situation. He locked one caregiver out of his home, let another one in but was rude to her, and thoroughly enjoyed one young man because they could discuss golf. Quality of care wasn’t the issue. Joe resented anyone but me helping him, and the only reason he liked the guy was for talking about a shared sport.
Paid caregivers, hired by family members or even elders themselves, go into the elder’s home as nurses, assistants (CNAs) and custodial help (non-medical help such as shopping and light house keeping). Often their best efforts are frustrated by anger and actual abuse dished out by the elder they are there to care for.
I believe some of this abuse comes from fear. The presence of an outsider suggests to the elder that their family can’t (or doesn’t want) to take care of their needs. It also magnifies the extent of the elders’ care needs and makes them feel vulnerable. This fear, plus the denial of their actual need for care, can make them angry. If they are prone to lashing out when angry, then this person who represents the care they wish to deny becomes the target.