How to Get Power of Attorney Ready before Aging Parents Get Sick

This is so tragic it makes me ill. Thanks for a good reminder.
Carol

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My sister handled my parents affairs when they got older. After several years, she sold their home and moved them to another home with a higher morgage. The family wondered but no one suspected any wrong doing back then. Then my parents couldn't afford the payments and their house went into forclosure! My father seemed agitated and went to my husband and I for help. He wanted for us to contact a lawyer to find out where all his money went!!! This opened up wounds, because my sister told us she used it for her business but saved some money for them. I later found a bank statement dated way before my parents lost their home and they had at least $18,000.00 in the bank! I couldn't understand how this could be when they lost their home and they repossed their car. When my father passed away I also found out that there was no money to bury him, so we all had to ask family members to donate money in order to bury him as cheaply as possible. I was so mad, but my mother told me she didn't want us to punish my sister. Now my mother lives with me and I find out by accident that my sister is the power of attorney for my mother! I asked her where is my mothers checks going to. She told me she has a bank account that my mother saves and that she put my mothers money in a cd account so that my mother can't spend the money. I told her what if our mother passes away? She told me don't worry I am the power of attorney. Can I suggest a durable power of attorney and tell her to revoke the one she has? What happens if this fails. Do I have a right to demand my sister to split that money even though she was power of attorney. I need to know what my rights are. If seems like she is saving the money and earning interest and hoping that when my mother passes away it will be hers. I don't think it is fair since she dwindled money from my parents in the past and got away with it. Please advise me on what to do! Thank you Linda

Dear Linda, your story is almost as sad as the one above. I was wondering if you should seek the advice of a trustworthy Attorney? Or call Legal Services for Seniors (who can guide you). I don't think I'd let this slide "hoping for the best." Are there other family members who share your concerns, and can lend a hand in supporting you? I would keep copies of any statements you may have, and document conversations and suspicions. Be cautious of accusing your sister wrongfully, unless you have concrete evidence, but don't discount your instincts. Sounds like she wants to put you off, and keep things secretive. I might call her bluff, and put something in writing, stating your intentions. You may ask her for a full accounting, and gauge her reaction. If you suspect she is taking advantage of your parents (from the sounds of things you've written), this is considered "Elder Abuse," and is serious. Moms don't usually like to be confrontational, and some tend to overlook obvious "faults" in their children, because "it's their baby..." Your Mom may not want to "turn in her daughter," but who's looking out for Mom? I don't know what's worse; a stranger or a family member taking advantage of an elder. Please don't worry about spitting money with your sister, right now, but think of your poor mother! Be her hero, and find out what's really going on. We have a responsibility to protect the vulnerable.

I have been helping my grandmother off and on as much as I can, and can't keep up with her finances. Every week there is a threat of her electric or gas being turned off because of no payment. My grandmother has disowned all but one of her children and of which lives out of town and known to do drugs. I have asked my mom and aunt and uncle to step up and get a lawyer to put things in order, but nobody wants to upset grandma more than necessary or take over her finances. I have 5 kids and my husband has just had hip surgery, I can barely keep up on my own finances! What else can I do to help her but not be in charge of her?

If it's so bad that her gas gets shut off, and no family members will step up and "upset" her, then maybe you need third party backup through her county social services. She is in danger of not being cared for, and if she is upset, it's "those people" from social services who are checking on her, and not you or your mom alone. You have too much on your plate to take over this whole thing. It's so kind of you to care, but please get help. A welfare check on her can be arranged.
Carol