Then there’s the other side. Many seniors are living in the same home they raised their children in. These homes are modest, but worked well for raising their family and even for the early empty nest years. Often, however, they are two-story cottages, with the bedrooms and the only bathroom up a long flight of stairs. They have small closets and full basements, generally stuffed to the rafters with things they’ve forgotten but feel they can’t live without.
After four or five decades in this small home, the place is packed with memories as well as junk. Then, one spouse – let’s say Mom – dies. Dad is now alone in this house. He gets even more “thrifty,” and doesn’t want anyone coming to mow the yard. He’s a bit paranoid, and doesn’t want to pay a housekeeper, so the place is filthy. Electrical outlets are old and overloaded. Plumbing barely works and doesn’t get fixed. You try to help and he just gets more stubborn. He thinks you are trying to take over and guards his territory like a homesteader on the plains.
Newspapers and magazines pile up (generally unread). Food spoils in the fridge. But the worst of it is he is soiling his pants because he can’t get up the stairs to the bathroom on time.
You and your siblings have a conference and decide to intervene. You research assisted living centers, and offer to take him around for a tour. You tell him you are afraid he will fall going up and down the steps in a hurry. You nag him to move for his safety. You dangle pretty brochures about assisted living in his face. He just gets more stubborn. What do you do? I’ve known some people who have had to call Social Services, have them do a welfare check, and let them take over the task of getting an elder out of a cluttered, filthy, unsafe home.