I called my friend Kay recently to wish her a very happy 86th birthday—and to discretely check on the effectiveness of the dementia medication I encouraged her to take after she finally agreed to see a dementia specialist six months ago. After years of trying to persuade her, I was surprised when she finally consented, saying she was noticing that her memory was really slipping and it was scaring her.
During our hour-long conversation (testing) as we covered politics, religion and the meaning of life, I was delighted to hear Kay sounding much clearer than she’d been in quite a while—indicating the medication was indeed working. But then… suddenly she threw in a zinger. “Oh Jacqueline, I was so excited when we got your message on the answering machine yesterday that you are writing another book—is it a sequel to “Elder Rage”?
“Ummm, no Kay, I didn’t leave a message.”
“Yes, you most certainly did! You said you’d call today to wish me a happy birthday and that you’d tell me all about your new book.”
Darn, and we were doing so well. I finally convinced her that she probably just had a vivid dream as I always call on her birthday, but she started to cry that she feared she was losing her mind. I felt terrible, as maybe I should have just agreed, but then I’d have to lie about writing a new book. I didn’t want to make things worse by telling her she was having delusional thinking (false beliefs which occur with dementia), so I just made light of how our minds can play tricks on us.
Then she whispered that she was also having episodes of déjà vu. “Jacqueline, my family takes me out to places like a new restaurant, and I just feel so strongly that I have already been there, even though they assure me that I haven’t. Do you think that déjà vu is part of this dementia thing I have too?”
“Ohhh, maybe, but I wouldn’t worry about déjà vu and vivid dreams—those types of things start to happen to most of us as we get a little older. Just remember to rely on what your family tells you as the truth—and then just laugh about it with them and enjoy what you are doing, okay?”