Don't Let Caring for Your Elderly Parents Ruin Your Other Relationships

My husband and I are near a divorce over my father being sick. I have been taking care of him for the past 6 years. I have my dad pulling me one way and my husband feeling like I am choosing my father over him. I often feel like running away from home.

I cannot believe this situation. I have three sisters who do nothing at all they all live elsewhere and always just call and say

You talk about the cargiver who is not that old herself because mom had her at a late age. What about the caregiver who herself is in her 70's because mom had her at a very early age. I'm 72 and I have my own problems too.

i feel as though my life is over. I no longer have friends, My children will not visit because my MIL is such a bitch and negative about everything. I know my husband lives here in this house but we certainlly see things from two different perspectives.i have been screaming for him to open his eyes and see the things his mom is doing but he just refuses. We have no future here.WE have been digging ourselves in a big hole for many years, and living here is is only making it worse. After our kids moved out we started to have all this time together and i really thought we would always be together.Then this caregiving journey.I understand the love a commitment to his mother, but when do i come first.when is the day going to come that i put my feet on the floor and for the entire day no one wants or needs anything from me.. WHEN I am 41 years old and i need a life. Sorry for the long vent i needed it.

I have been caring for my mother every weekend since 1989, when my dad died. I was a single mom raising 3 boys, working 2 jobs to make ends meet. My mother has had 3 back surgeries and 2 strokes during the 20 years that I've taken up as caregiver. I was an only child. My mother was from a large extended family who is still offering a lot of free advice, but no actual help. Most recently, my mother has been in assisted living, and she agreed to give me POA, and I now live in her house. She developed health problems, and had falls, so she had to go to full nursing care for a few weeks. I went to a Care Conference today, and was told that now she needs 24-hour supervision. I want to put her in an Adult Family Home, but she adamantly opposes this. She wants to come back to the house and have a full time caregiver (me). She doesn't want to spend her retirement income, about $3,000 per month. I am a teacher, working at a job I love. I don't have time to rest on weekends, and I don't have time for friends or family. I wanted to retire from teaching next year, and now I'm afraid my mother will insist on all my time. As it is, she calls me every day of any vacation I have. I WANT MY OWN LIFE!!!!

I am caring for my 77 year old father, who is VERY dependant. My husband is wonderful, attempting to be patient...but he loses it rather easily. I feel like my whole life is centered on caregiving for others. I am a RN...so, naturally, I have the caregiving "gene" (I say with a smile on my face). I have 2 brothers who live in another state and WILL NOT take my father in, even though he begs and pleads to live with them. My father has enough wits about him to know that he is coming between my husband and I, but life remains the same. I have now begun to look for outside agencies to help, but even that task is sucking up my time. My brothers are free with advice on what I should do...or how I should spend my father's money, (they are always watching...I imagine they are eyeing the inheritance)...but when my dad goes to visit, from the first day, they want to know if he can go home early. It breaks my heart. I too, want my own life back. I have not had a life alone with my husband since we got married. Thank you for letting me vent!