Should Mom Be Living Alone?

so, basically, the adult child trapped in their parents' home is out of luck, then? basically a slave trapped until the parent passes? god, i wish i had known that before i moved in. i wish i was dead.

Please do not entertain such thoughts. There are solutions! There are alternatives. You are not trapped, but hurting. And I hurt for you reading about your stress level. Senior services abound. Keep calling and asking until you find one that's right for your specific situation. It may take awhile, but there's lots to choose from. Have a "friend" come to visit, who can evaluate your parent, and validate you. There are visiting doctors and nurses, and social services available. Being dead won't help your suffering parent who needs you to stay strong. Help is available. If I could give you a hug right now, I would. And take you to lunch. There is hope even in our darkest hours and the deepest valleys. This too, will pass, and the sun will shine again. There's legal things you can do, too. I have court-appointed Guardianship and Conservatorship. I felt like "Chicken Little" standing before a judge asking for "permission" to help my parents. I made my best case with the help of a Physician, and took over everything. Legally. It's not the best case scenario, but the only way to go for us.

There are also free legal services available for seniors. I contacted a Senior Center in my city, and they backed me up and offered me resources and counsel. Document everything you see, and everything that's going on in the home. I even tape record my parent's conversations, "just in case," because sometimes that's all I have to "prove" my point, as it can often be their word against mine. Tough love. We are supposed to serve others. Some days are harder than others. Hang in there and seek professional guidance. Guard your heart, and know someone is praying for you.

I felt like "Chicken Little" standing before a judge asking for "permission" to help my parents. I made my best case with the help of a Physician, and took over everything. Legally. It's not the best case scenario, but the only way to go for us. Anne

Good advice. Sounds like you've been through a lot of trauma yourself. One question: Did they parents have to be present when the Judge heard your case or was a written statement from the doctor enough?

Dear Baffled, I felt like that (baffled), but had to learn a lot. Yes, they stood before the judge, too. My sister commented that it was like sheep before a slaughter (she's so melodramatic). I don't think they understood what was going on, because of dementia and Alzheimer's. Before hand, a Guardian ad Litem came to their house to discuss what was about to happen, what to expect, and their concerns. I don't think they understood that part of it, either. The person filing the petition about the upcoming court case has to serve all interested parties. In my case, that meant giving my parents a notice in person and mailing it to my sibling. That gives legal notice of the upcoming court hearing, but no one knew what to expect at that time, including me. I was so scared, hence "Chicken Little." I expected a fight from my sister and parents, but everything went smoothly. Then I attended a class at the court to learn about what they expected from me. That is still overwhelming, and I'm still learning. It is the absolute hardest way to do things because they expect so much, and I have to do all the work or hire it done.

In Ontario, Canada it is different in that the lawyer, or the family physician or CCAC help with this process.

Be sure you check with them. If you have Power of Attorney the lawyer can enact this. Lawyers have a 10-item check list to declare a person incompetent.

Physicians can give dementia tests, and they underuse this tool.