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“I Love My Mother, But I Don’t Like Her”

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Recently a caregiver named Karen told me she felt obligated to care for her cranky elderly mother (whom she loved but never really liked), because she suspected mild dementia and worried about leaving her alone. I told her how important it is to have her mother evaluated by a dementia specialist immediately because with early diagnosis and treatment the dementia can be masked/slowed down in most people.

By keeping her mom in the early and more cognitively aware stage longer, Karen’s caregiving journey will be much less stressful than if she waits and the dementia and behaviors get worse. And since many people with dementia are greatly helped with an anti-depressant, and bad moods are often smoothed out, I suggested she discuss that with the doctor as well.

I loved my own challenging elderly father, but I didn’t like him as he was so hard to care for with his lifelong nasty temper and narrow-mindedness. He had never used the “F” word his whole life (my mother would have slapped him silly), but when I took care of him and he got mad, suddenly it was every other word to me. I’d cry and beg him to stop berating me, just hating him for treating me so badly.

I wish I had been able to reach this consciousness sooner, but it was months into my caregiving journey before I became so stressed out that I just had to refuse to let anything my father said or did upset me. When I had on this “Emotional Shield” and I was able to just go-with-the-flow, everything bounced right off me.

“Yesss, Dad, I know I’m a f-ing b-- and whore and I’ve never done anything to help you, but if you take a shower I’ll make you a special dinner and dessert tonight.” He’d swear a blue streak at me as he shuffled into the shower and I could still hear him swearing to himself in there as I prepared his favorite dinner! You had to just laugh.

Like my father, Karen said her mother’s negative behavior patterns were deeply engrained because her family enabled her for years to be able to behave badly without consequences (very common). We didn’t know to set boundaries with my father either, so when he pounded the kitchen table (“BOOM”) and yelled obscenities about something, instead of telling him we would not tolerate that behavior and getting up and leaving the room, we cowered and walked on eggshells all the time trying not to upset him.

When a person like this becomes elderly and their warped personality gets compounded with (as I call it) “a dash of dementia”, those engrained behaviors still surface intermittently, but now over things that are more illogical, irrational and irritating than ever before. It’s crazy-making for a family caregiver, as some days their elder acts normal (at the doctor’s for sure), but then on other days at home when no one is around… yikes! I wish I’d thought to discretely turn on a little tape recorder, which would have helped me get help from the doctors much sooner.

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toscabs said
Dec 6, 2008

Tell us more about the tools you used to handle your fathers irrational behavior. You mentioned "setting boundaries". Did that really work? How can it with someone who doesn't remember one moment to the next? How do anti-depressants work over drugs like neurotin or Aricept? What about using a journal to log the person's personality to take to the doctor's rather than a tape recorder? I need hands on skills and methods, not pride for doing what is right.

195Austin said
Dec 7, 2008

FJ -Thank for your information we need all the tools that are available for this caregiving job.

SparrowRedHawk said
Dec 20, 2008

I am not sure that this is the right section for my comments but I hope so. I am having to take care of my mother, she has only got 20% function of her heart and any where for 10 % - 30% of several of her main arteries. She is not "with it" most of the time and when she is she is upset with me, as if I am the one that made her sick. She walked out of my life when I was 12 and did not come back into my life until a few years ago, I am now 52. I have tried to let the old feelings go but when she starts belittling me they all ome back. Over the last few months she has gotten very weak and not able to take care of herself at all. Her husband of 38 years walked out on her, with her pushing him away, 3 months ago. Until a month ago she was able to get around, she even worked part time to have extra money to buy the extra things she wanted. Now 2 weeks ago I took her to the hospital to have a pacemaker put in and they found that things are alot worse than they thought, and she has gone downhill real fast. They released her from the hospital with no plan of follow-up care, even thought I had told them I could not do it because my back is hurt, my health is not the greatest do to cronic pain and migrines, and I am raising my 10 year old grand daughter. I have had her for 10 years. I have no family here because I moved to the state where my husband has lived most of his life when we got married 3 years ago, which was a year and a half after my feiance died do to liver cancer, which I provided hospice care. I feel like I have been left out in the cold, in 20 feet of snow and I have no winter coat or a shovel to dig my way out. I am alone as far as her care goes because my husband has no clue what to do or even how to do any care. I am having to stay at my mother's house because we do nt hve the space in our home and I get to see my husband and grand daughter about 30 minutes a day when they come to my mothers to see me and her. I have a part time job that I can not work right now and that makes my problems worse because we live on a fixed budget when I don't work. I am angry, scarred and hurt. I don't know what to do or which way to turn. I find my self crying alot. and I am not one to cry. I feel lost. My mother is talking to people that have been dead for anywhere from 3 to 50 years, she is calling for toys that she had as a child, a young child. She is yelling "they are hurting me" "let go" "tell me the truth" and many other things. I am not sure what to do or how to handle this. I feel like I am wrong in my feelings and I have told my husband when all this is over I will need to go to counceling because of the things this is bringing up for me. (I coulkd go on and on but she is hollering again, so I need to close.) Thanks for being here ..... I just found you all.

msTish said
Dec 20, 2008

hi,there are alot of us here listening. You have a full, plate. May I ask why your mom is not in a nursing home?I personally think waht you are doing is very couragous, but don't lose yourself or your child.It can and will happen if you let it . Contact your local area on aging they will have help. If you think you'll need conceling start now, it can't hurt. Use this site, these people know what there talking about. I have only been a care giver for 7 months, so I.m a rockie, alot of others have been here a long time I'm sure they'll be posting to you soon. Good luck.. Cyber hugs.. sandy//

mitzipinki said
Dec 26, 2008

I finally had to get my mother and father in assisted living after my mother did three hospital runs for attention seeking (a long story there). My mother and I never got along. My father used to be a cushion between she and I. Now since his stroke 4 years ago

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Sheri Samotin

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Sheri Samotin brings more than 25 years of business and management experience to LifeBridge Solutions. Sheri is a graduate of Wesleyan University and holds an MBA from Dartmouth College. Sheri is a member of numerous professional organizations and serves on the steering committee of Collier County’s Leadership Council on Aging.

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