Finding Care at the End of Life

At the end of life, each story is different. Death comes suddenly, or a person lingers, gradually failing. For some older people, the body weakens while the mind stays alert. Others remain physically strong, and cognitive losses take a huge toll. But for everyone, death is inevitable, and each loss is personally felt by those close to the one who has died.

End-of-life care is the term used to describe the support and medical care given during the time surrounding death. Such care does not happen just in the moments before breathing finally stops and a heart ceases to beat. An older person is often living, and dying, with one or more chronic illnesses and needs a lot of care for days, weeks, and sometimes even months.

End of Life: Helping With Comfort and Care hopes to make the unfamiliar territory of death slightly more comfortable for everyone involved. This publication is based on research, such as that supported by the National Institute on Aging, part of the National Institutes of Health. This research base is augmented with suggestions from practitioners with expertise in helping individuals and families through this difficult time. Throughout the booklet, the terms comfort care, supportive care, and palliative care are used to describe individualized care that can provide a dying person the best quality of life until the end. Most of the stories in this booklet are fictitious, but they depict situations that reflect common experiences at the end of life.

When a doctor says something like, “I’m afraid the news is not good. There are no other treatments for us to try. I’m sorry,” it may close the door to the possibility of a cure, but it does not end the need for medical support. Nor does it end the involvement of family and friends. There are many places and a variety of ways to provide care for an older person who is dying. Such care often involves a team. If you are reading this, then you might be part of such a team.

Helping With Comfort and Care provides an overview of issues commonly facing people caring for someone nearing the end of life. It can help you to work with health care providers to complement their medical and caregiving efforts. The booklet does not replace the personal and specific advice of the doctor, but it can help you make sense of what is happening and give you a framework for making care decisions.

 Comfort care is an essential part of medical care at the end of life. It is care that helps or soothes a person who is dying. The goal is to prevent or relieve suffering as much as possible while respecting the dying person’s wishes.

You are probably reading this because someone close to you is dying. Is it a parent or grandparent, your husband or wife, a favorite aunt or uncle, your best friend? You wonder what will happen. You want to know how to give comfort, what to say, what to do. At the same time, you’re possibly unsure about what is needed, worried about doing the wrong thing, or afraid of being there—or not being there—at the moment of death.

You might be giving day-to-day care to the dying person, chosen to make health care decisions, or a close family member or friend who wants to help. You would like to know how to make dying easier—how to help ensure a “good death,” with treatment consistent with the dying person’s wishes.

A “good death” might mean something different to you than to someone else. Your sister might want to know when death is near so she can have a few last words with the people she loves and take care of personal matters. Your husband might want to die quickly and not linger. Perhaps your mother has said she would like to be at home when she dies, while your father wants to be in a hospital where he can receive treatment for his illness until the very end. Some people want to be surrounded by family and friends; others want to be alone. Of course, often one doesn’t get to choose, but having your end-of-life wishes followed, whatever they are, and being treated with respect while dying are common hopes.

Generally speaking, people who are dying need care in four areas—physical comfort, mental and emotional needs, spiritual issues, and practical tasks. In this chapter you will find a number of ways you can be of help to someone who is dying. Always remember to check with the health care team to make sure these suggestions are appropriate.

PHYSICAL COMFORT

There are ways to make a person who is dying more comfortable. Discomfort can come from a variety of problems. For each there are things you or a health care provider can do, depending on the cause. For example, a dying person can be uncomfortable because of:

• Pain
• Breathing problems
• Skin irritation
• Digestive problems
• Temperature sensitivity
• Fatigue

Pain. Watching someone you love die is hard enough, but thinking that person is also in pain makes it worse. Not everyone who is dying experiences pain, but there are things you can do to help someone who does. Experts believe that care for someone who is dying should focus on relieving pain without worrying about possible long-term problems of drug dependence or abuse. Don’t be afraid of giving as much pain medicine as is prescribed by the doctor. Pain is easier to prevent than to relieve, and overwhelming pain is hard to manage. Try to make sure that the level of pain does not “get ahead” of pain-relieving medicines. If the pain is not controlled, ask the doctor or nurse to arrange for consultation with a pain management specialist.

Struggling with severe pain can be draining. It can make it hard for families to be together in a meaningful way. Pain can affect mood—being in pain can make someone seem angry or short-tempered. Although understandable, irritability resulting from pain might make it hard to talk, hard to share thoughts and feelings.
Breathing problems. Shortness of breath or the feeling that breathing is difficult is a common experience at the end of life. The doctor might call this dyspnea. Worrying about the next breath can make it hard for important conversations or connections. Try raising the head of the bed, opening a window, using a vaporizer, or having a fan circulating air in the room. Sometimes, the doctor suggests extra oxygen, given directly through the nose, to help with this problem.

People very near death might have noisy breathing called a death rattle. This is caused by fluids collecting in the throat or by the throat muscles relaxing. It might help to try turning the person to rest on one side. There is also medicine that can be prescribed to help clear this up. But not all noisy breathing is a death rattle. And, it may help to know that this noisy breathing is usually not upsetting to the person dying, even if it is to family and friends.

Skin irritation. Skin problems can be very uncomfortable. With age, skin becomes drier and more fragile naturally, so it is important to take extra care with an older person’s skin. Gently applying alcohol-free lotion can relieve dry skin as well as be soothing.

Dryness on parts of the face, such as the lips and eyes, can be a common cause of discomfort near death. A lip balm could keep this from getting worse. A damp cloth placed over closed eyes might relieve dryness. If the inside of the mouth seems dry, giving ice chips, if the person is conscious, or wiping the inside of the mouth with a damp cloth, cotton ball, or a specially-treated swab might help.

Sitting or lying in one position puts constant pressure on sensitive skin, which can lead to painful bed sores (sometimes called pressure ulcers). When a bed sore first forms, the skin gets discolored or darker. Watch carefully for these discolored spots, especially on the heels, hips, lower back, and back of the head. Turning the person from side to back and to the other side every few hours may help prevent bed sores. Or try putting a foam pad under an area like a heel or elbow to raise it off the bed and reduce pressure. A special mattress or chair cushion might also help. Keeping the skin clean and moisturized is always important. A bed sore that won’t heal probably needs treatment by a wound specialist.

Digestive problems. Nausea, vomiting, constipation, and loss of appetite are common end-of-life complaints. The causes and treatments for these symptoms are varied, so talk to a doctor or nurse right away. There are medicines that can control nausea or vomiting or relieve constipation.

If someone near death wants to eat, but is too tired or weak, you can help with feeding. If loss of appetite is a problem, encourage eating by gently offering favorite foods in small amounts. Or try serving frequent, smaller meals rather than three big ones. But, don’t force a person to eat. Going without food and/or water is generally not painful, and eating can add to discomfort. Losing one’s appetite is a common and normal part of dying. A conscious decision to give up food can be part of a person’s acceptance that death is near.

Temperature sensitivity. People who are dying may not be able to tell you that they are too hot or too cold, so watch for clues. For example, someone who is too warm might repeatedly try to remove a blanket. You can take off the blanket and try a cool cloth on his or her head. If a person is hunching his or her shoulders, pulling the covers up, or even shivering—those could be signs of cold. Make sure there is no draft, raise the heat, and add another blanket, but avoid electric blankets because they can get too hot.
Fatigue. It is common for people nearing the end of life to feel tired and have little or no energy. Keep activities simple. For example, a bedside commode can be used instead of walking to the bathroom. A shower stool can save a person’s energy, as can switching to sponging off in bed.

Medical tests and treatments can be uncomfortable and can drain the strength of a person who is dying. Some may no longer be necessary and can be stopped, as one woman’s family learned. At eighty, Catherine had already been in a nursing home for two years since her stroke. Her health began to fail quickly, and she was no longer able to communicate her wishes. Her physician, Dr. Jones, told her family she was dying. He said that medical tests, physical therapy, and IVs (intravenous tubes inserted into a vein with a needle to give medicine or fluids) were no longer really needed and should be stopped since they might be causing Catherine discomfort. Dr. Jones also said that checking vital signs (pulse, blood pressure, temperature, and breathing rate) was interrupting her rest and would no longer be done regularly.
Then Catherine developed pneumonia. Her family asked about moving her to the hospital. The doctor explained that Catherine could get the same treatment—antibiotics, if chosen, and oxygen—in the familiar surroundings of her nursing home. Besides, he said a move could disturb and confuse her. The family agreed to leave Catherine in the nursing home, and she died two days later surrounded by those close to her. Experts suggest that moving someone to a different place, like a hospital, close to the time of death, should be avoided if possible.

MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Complete end-of-life care also includes helping the dying person manage any mental and emotional distress. Someone nearing the end of life who is alert might understandably feel depressed or anxious. Encouraging conversations about feelings might be beneficial. You might want to contact a counselor, possibly one familiar with end-of-life issues. If the depression or anxiety is severe, medicine might provide relief.

A dying person might also have some specific fears and concerns. He or she may fear the unknown or worry about those left behind. Some people are afraid of being alone at the very end. This feeling can be made worse by the understandable reactions of family, friends, and even the medical team. For example, when family and friends do not know how to help or what to say, sometimes they stop visiting. Or, someone who is already beginning to grieve may withdraw. Doctors may become discouraged because they can’t cure their patient and feel helpless. Some seem to avoid a dying patient. This can add to a dying person’s sense of isolation. If this appears to be happening, try to discuss your concerns with the family, friends, or the doctor.

The simple act of physical contact—holding hands, a touch, or a gentle massage—can make a person feel connected to those he or she loves. It can be very soothing. Warm your hands by rubbing them together or running them under warm water.

Try to set the kind of mood that is most comforting for the dying person. What has he or she always enjoyed? For example, Bill loved a party, so it was natural for him to want to be surrounded by family and friends when he was dying. Ellen always preferred spending quiet moments with one or two people at a time, so she was most comfortable with just a few visitors. Some experts suggest that when death is very near, music at low volume and soft lighting are soothing. In fact, near the end of life, music therapy might improve mood, help with relaxation, and lessen pain. Listening to music might also evoke memories those present can share. For some people, keeping distracting noises like televisions and radios to a minimum is important.

SPIRITUAL ISSUES

People nearing the end of life may have spiritual needs as compelling as their physical concerns. Spiritual needs involve finding meaning in one’s life and ending disagreements with others, if possible. The dying person might find peace by resolving unsettled issues with friends or family. Visits from a social worker or a counselor may also help. Many people find solace in their faith. Praying, talking with someone from one’s religious community (such as a minister, priest, rabbi, or Muslim cleric), reading religious text, or listening to religious music may bring comfort.

Family and friends can talk to the dying person about the importance of their relationship. For example, adult children can share how their father has influenced the course of their lives. Grandchildren can let their grandfather know how much he has meant to them. Friends can relate how they value years of support and companionship. Family and friends who can’t be present could send a recording of what they would like to say or a letter to be read out loud.

Sharing memories of good times is another way some people find peace near death. This can be comforting for everyone. Some doctors think it is possible that even if a patient is unconscious, he or she might still be able to hear; it is probably never too late to say how you feel or to talk about fond memories.

Always talk to, not about, the person who is dying. When you come into the room, it is a good idea to identify yourself, saying something like “Hi, Bob. It’s Mary, and I’ve come to see you.” Another good idea is to have someone write down some of the things said at this time—both by and to the one dying. In time, these words might serve as a source of comfort to family and friends. People who are looking for ways to help may welcome the chance to aid the family by writing down what is said.

There may come a time when a dying person who has been confused suddenly seems clear-thinking. Take advantage of these moments, but understand that they might be only temporary, not necessarily a sign he or she is getting better.

PRACTICAL TASKS

There are many practical jobs that need to be done at the end of life—both to relieve the dying person and to support the caregiver. Everyday tasks can be a source of worry for someone who is dying, and they can overwhelm a caregiver. Taking over small daily chores around the house—such as answering the door, picking up the mail or newspaper, writing down phone messages, doing a load of laundry, feeding the family pet, taking children to soccer practice, picking medicine up from the pharmacy—can provide a much needed break for caregivers.

A dying person might be worried about who will take care of things when he or she is gone. Offering reassurance—“I’ll make sure your African violets are watered,” “Jessica has promised to take care of Bandit,” “Dad, we want Mom to live with us from now on”—might provide a measure of peace. Reminding the dying person that his or her personal affairs are in good hands can also bring comfort.

Everyone may be asking the family “What can I do for you?” It helps to make a specific offer. Say to the family “Let me help with ...” and suggest something like bringing meals for the caregivers, paying bills, walking the dog, or babysitting. If you’re not sure what to offer, talk to someone who has been through a similar situation. Find out what kind of help was useful. If you want to help, but can’t get away from your own home, you could schedule other friends or family to help with small jobs or to bring in meals. This can allow the immediate family to give their full attention to the dying person.

If you are the primary caregiver, try to ask for help when you need it. Don’t hesitate to suggest a specific task to someone who offers to help. Friends and family are probably anxious to do something for you and/or the person who is dying, but they may be reluctant to repeatedly offer when you are so busy.

Setting up a phone tree or computer listserv for the family to contact friends and other relatives can reduce the number of calls to the house. A listserv is a way to send the same message to a large group of people through email. Some families set up a website where they can share news, thoughts, and wishes. These can all save close family members from the emotional burden of answering frequent questions about how their loved one is doing.

Questions to Ask

This section has described what family and friends can do to provide comfort and ease to someone nearing the end of life. Here are some questions to help you learn more about what you might do.

Ask the doctor in charge:

1. Since there is no cure, what will happen next?
2. Why are you suggesting this test or treatment?
3. Will the treatment bring physical comfort?
4. Will the treatment speed up or slow down the dying process?
5. What can we expect to happen in the coming days or weeks?

Ask the caregiver:

1. How are you doing? Do you need someone to talk with?
2. Would you like to go out for an hour or two? I could stay here while you are away.
3. Who has offered to help you? Do you want me to work with them to coordinate our efforts?
4. Can I help, maybe … walk the dog, answer the phone, go to the drug store or the grocery store, or watch the children (for example)…for you?

Decades ago, most people died at home, but medical advances have changed that. Today, most Americans are in hospitals or nursing homes at the end of their lives. Some people enter the hospital to get treated for an illness. Some may already be living in a nursing home. Increasingly, people are choosing hospice care at the end of life.

There is no “right” place to die. And, of course, where we die is not usually something we get to decide. But, if given the choice, each person and/or his or her family should consider which type of care makes the most sense, where that kind of care can be provided, whether family and friends are available to help, and, of course, how they will manage the cost.

HOSPITALS AND NURSING HOMES

George is sixty-four and has a history of congestive heart failure. One night he is taken to the hospital with chest pain. George and those closest to him had previously decided that, no matter what, the doctor should try to do everything medically possible to extend George’s life. So, when George needed care, he went to a hospital, where doctors and nurses are available around-the-clock. Hospitals offer a full range of treatment choices, tests, and other medical care. If George’s heart continues to fail, the hospital intensive care unit (ICU) or coronary care unit (CCU) is right there. Although hospitals have rules, they can sometimes be flexible. If George’s doctor thinks he is not responding to treatment and is dying, the family can ask for relaxed visiting hours. If George’s family wants to bring personal items from home, they can ask the staff if there are space limitations or if disinfection is needed. Whether George is in the ICU, CCU, or a two-bed room, his family can ask for more privacy.

In a hospital setting, there is always medical staff available who know what needs to be done for someone who is dying. This can be very reassuring for that person, as well as for family and friends.

More and more people are in nursing homes at the end of life. In a nursing home, nursing staff is also always present. A nursing home, sometimes called a skilled nursing facility, has advantages and disadvantages for end-of-life care. Unlike a hospital, a doctor is not in the nursing home all the time. But, plans for end-of-life care can be arranged ahead of time, so that when the time comes, care can be provided as needed without first consulting a doctor. If the dying person has lived in the facility for a while, the staff and family have probably already established a relationship. This can make the care feel more personalized than in a hospital. As in a hospital, privacy may be an issue. You can ask if arrangements can be made to give your family more time alone when needed.

HOME

Home is likely the most familiar setting for someone who needs end-of-life care. Family and friends can come and go freely. Care at home can be a big job for family and friends—physically, emotionally, and financially. But, there are benefits too, and it is often a job they are willing to take on. Hiring a home nurse is an option for people who need additional help.

In order to make comfort care available at home, you will have to arrange for services (such as visiting nurses) and special equipment (like a hospital bed or bedside commode). Health insurance might only cover these services or equipment if they have been ordered by a doctor. Work with the doctor to decide what is needed to support comfort care at home. If the dying person is returning home from the hospital, sometimes a hospital discharge planner, often a social worker, can help with the planning. Your local Area Agency on Aging might be able to recommend other sources of help.

A doctor has to be available to oversee the patient’s care at home—he or she will arrange for new services, adjust treatment, and order medicines as needed. It is important to follow the doctor’s plan in order to make the dying person as comfortable as possible. Talk with the doctor if you think a treatment is no longer helping.

PALLIATIVE CARE AND HOSPICE

Doctors can provide treatment to seriously ill patients in the hopes of a cure for as long as possible.

These patients also receive symptom care or palliative care. For example, in time George developed anemia along with his heart failure. Managing the anemia can improve some of the symptoms troubling George. It might also make it easier for him to do things like get dressed or bathe on his own. Treating his anemia is part of palliative care.

Recently, the term palliative care has come to mean more than just treating symptoms. In the United States, palliative care now often refers to a comprehensive approach to improving the quality of life for people who are living with potentially fatal diseases. It provides support for family members, very similar to the more familiar concept of hospice care.

In a palliative care program, a multidisciplinary health care team works with both the patient and family to provide any support—medical, social, and emotional—needed to live with a possibly fatal illness. The health care team may be made up of doctors, nurses, therapists, counselors, social workers, and others as needed.
Palliative care can be provided in hospitals, nursing homes, outpatient palliative care clinics, certain other specialized clinics, or at home. Medicare covers some of the treatments and medicine. Veterans may be eligible for palliative care through the Department of Veterans Affairs. Private health insurance might pay for some services. Health insurance providers can answer questions about what they will cover.

In palliative care, you aren’t asked to make a choice between treatment that might cure a terminal disease and comfort care. In time, if the doctor believes the patient is not responding to treatment and is likely to die within 6 months, there are two possibilities. Palliative care could transition to hospice care. Or, the palliative care could continue, with increasing emphasis on comfort care and less focus on medical treatment aimed at a cure.
That is what happened with Jack, retired from the U.S. Air Force, who was diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease at age seventy. As the disease progressed and breathing became more difficult, Jack wanted to explore experimental treatments to slow the disease. Through the palliative care provided by the Veterans Health Administration, while receiving treatment for his pulmonary disease, Jack was also able to receive the comfort care and emotional support he needed to cope with his health problems. The palliative care program also provided help around the house and other support for Jack’s wife, making it easier for her to care for Jack at home.

At some point, curative medical treatment may no longer make sense—it might not help or may actually make the patient more uncomfortable. Hospice is designed for this situation. The patient beginning hospice care understands that his or her illness is not responding to medical attempts to cure it or to slow the disease’s progress. The hospice approach to end-of-life care is similar to palliative care, in that it provides comprehensive comfort care to the dying person as well as support to his or her family, but, in hospice, attempts to cure the person’s illness are stopped.

Hospice is an approach to care, and so it is not tied to a specific place. It can be offered in two types of settings—at home or in a facility such as a nursing home, hospital, or even in a separate hospice center. Hospice care brings together a team of people with special skills—among them nurses, doctors, social workers, spiritual advisors, and trained volunteers. Everyone works together with the person who is dying, the caregiver, and/or the family to provide the medical, emotional, and spiritual support needed. A member of the hospice team visits regularly and is always available by phone—24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

It is important to remember that stopping treatment specifically aimed at curing an illness does not mean discontinuing all treatment. A good example is an older person with cancer. If the doctor determines that the cancer is not responding to chemotherapy and the patient chooses to enter into hospice care, then the chemotherapy will stop, but other medical care may continue. For example, if the person has high blood pressure, he or she will still get medicine for that.

Choosing hospice does not have to be a permanent decision. For example, Delores was eighty-two when she learned that her kidneys were failing. She thought that she had lived a long, good life and didn’t want to go through dialysis, so Delores began hospice care. A week later she learned that her granddaughter was pregnant. Delores changed her mind about using hospice care and left to begin dialysis in the hopes of one day holding her first great-grandchild.

Similar to Delores, real-life humorist and Washington Post columnist Art Buchwald, age eighty-one, decided against the kidney dialysis suggested by his doctor. Buchwald entered hospice in February 2006, expecting to die of kidney disease within a few weeks. It was big news when his condition stabilized. When it became clear death was not imminent, Buchwald left hospice. He spent the summer in Martha’s Vineyard and died in January 2007.

Eighty-year-old Annie had advanced lung cancer and asked for help through a hospice program, so she could stay in the home she had lived in for more than 40 years. A hospice team helped her family and friends with caregiving and everyday activities. They arranged respite care for Annie’s family—once she went into a facility for a few days to give her husband a break. Respite care can be for as short as a few hours or for as long as several weeks. After Annie died, hospice continued to support her family offering bereavement counseling for a year.

Hospice care was a relief for Annie who didn’t want to be a burden to her relatives in her last days. Hospice services also greatly reduced the stress of caregiving for Annie’s family. In fact, a widow or widower is less likely to die within 18 months after the death of a spouse if that spouse received hospice services. This was true for Annie’s husband who weathered the sadness of her loss without having his health decline. Families of people who received care through a hospice program are also more satisfied with end-of-life care than are those of people who did not have hospice services. Hospice recipients are more likely to have their pain controlled and less likely to undergo tests or be given medicines they don’t need than people who don’t use hospice care.

Before Annie died, she chose to receive hospice care and agreed to give up treatment, such as chemotherapy and radiation, to try to cure her lung cancer. But she continued to receive comfort care and counseling. If Annie had changed her mind, she could have left hospice care and received treatment for her cancer.

Questions to Ask

Choosing among the different options for care at the end of life can be difficult. Here are some questions that might help you determine what is best for you and your family.

How long is this person expected to live?

What kind of end-of-life care is needed?

Is the most likely caregiver able to give that kind of care?

Where would the person who is dying want to have this end-of-life care—a facility or at home, for example?

What is the best place to get the type of care he or she wants?
Who will pay for this care?

Can children, grandchildren, friends, pet, etc., visit whenever they want?

Is there a good chance that treatment in an intensive care unit will reverse the dying process, or instead draw it out?

The National Institute on Aging (NIA), one of the 27 Institutes and Centers of the National Institute of Health (NIH) leads a broad scientific effort to understand the nature of aging and to extend the healthy, active years of life. In 1974, Congress granted authority to form NIA to provide leadership in aging research, training, health information dissemination, and other programs relevant to aging and older people.