Keep in mind that it’s normal to experience tricky dynamics when siblings get together as adults, since childhood jealousies and rivalries as well as historical grudges may resurface under the pressure to work together and make sacrifices. If disagreements arise, says Kaufman, “it’s good to remind yourself that this has nothing to do with what you or I want but about what’s best for mom or dad.”
Disagreements may be avoided by setting down ground rules for discussion ahead of time, such as agreeing to listen to and consider every alternative, even if some don’t seem workable.
If all else fails, an option for getting past stressful communication is family mediation. A relatively new concept, mediation is an informal process in which a neutral third party sits down to help people in conflict to better understand their individual interests and needs so that they can agree upon a workable solution to the problem. Mediation helps to empower families to come up with their own solutions—and the end result is that it’s often easier to stick with a decision that you’ve had a part in making. To find a mediator, contact your local senior center or Area Agency on Aging.
Even if you’re successful in achieving a better distribution of responsibility, it’s important to communicate, communicate, communicate. Hold regular family meetings to assure that all siblings are updated with your parent’s condition and changes to the plan of care. Let them know how much their help is needed—and appreciated. “You’ve got to keep pulling together,” says Coon, “for your own peace of mind—and your parents.”
Linda Hepler is a freelance health writer whose work has appeared in a variety of health and fitness publications, such as "Family Doctor," "Fitness Plus," and "Max Sports and Fitness." She received her BS in nursing from Eastern Michigan University and works part time as an Employee Health Nurse in northern Michigan.