Reveive your free Custom Care Guide

Let us put together a care guide personalized with the best information on how to care for your elderly loved one.

Stay Informed

Receive weekly AgingCare updates directly to your inbox.

Men as Caregivers

Text Size

COVERED IN THIS ARTICLE:

 

Millions of middle age to older men in the United States are the primary caregivers for one or more of their disabled elderly parents. What does a male caregiver need today? Here are recommendations and sources.

Recommendations for Male Caregivers

“Whether an ill relative has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, multiple sclerosis, Lou Gehrig’s disease, or a stroke, male caregivers often find their new role to be daunting and all-consuming,” reports the non-profit Menstuff® in a 14-page report on its website.

Be Positive

“Most men have grown up in a household – and certainly a culture – in which females have been perceived as the primary family nurturers. Yet, often by necessity, more men than ever are rolling up their sleeves and helping an ill loved one with day-to-day tasks such as dressing, toileting, bathing, eating, changing dressings and managing medications,” says Menstuff.

Menstuff recommends that men who focus on the positive aspects of caregiving will find the task and commitment less challenging. Many men described the companionship a most positive benefit aspect of their caregiving.

Focus on Yourself

Male caregivers need to focus on maintaining their own health. “Men experience more anxiety in handling the multiple demands of care, while also learning new skills,” according to Betty J. Kramer, Ph.D, and Edward H. Thompson, Jr., Ph.D., in their book, Men as Caregivers. “Men have greater physical health difficulties and depression, do not tend to be familiar with dealing with social service agencies, and are often uncomfortable asking for help.” The experts recommend that male caregivers see their own physicians on a regular basis, maintain a healthy diet and establish a regular exercise routine.

“If male caregivers do focus on maintaining their health, they are better able to equip themselves with the skills necessary to handle the care situations and needs,” writes Kendra Micka, MSW, Family Consultant with the California-based Del Oro Caregiver Resource Center.

Find Support

Male caregivers need to learn about the many social, health and human services available in the community for himself as well as the patient, according to the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging. An AdvantAge survey reported that 35 percent of men age 65-plus were unaware of most services available locally.

On its website the organization offers a detailed listing of services plus contact information for Area Agencies on Aging, the starting point for assistance in every community in the nation.

Support services and programs for male caregivers have been launched in many communities throughout the nation. Some are disease-or-condition specific, such as those operated by the Alzheimer’s Association and Muscular Dystrophy Association.

Part 1 of 2

(1 to 3 of 3)

dennis99gon said
Feb 8, 2009

help, what should i do? when my mother had a stroke in nov. of 2007 i was living
in miami bch. I gave up my job and moved in with my mother in texas, I'am her
primary care giver because none of my siblings would do it (three brothers and a
niece and nephew) they all live near her. now I've been taking care of mom for a
little bit over one year. all my siblings talk about chipping in money to pay for a caregiver or come by and help with cooking and bathing and all that stuff when she
was in the hospital. but they have done absolutely nothing. am i wrong to ask them
to pay me say 300.00 a mos? I ask for 50 a wk. but they wont. I love my mother,
she has always been there for me (bad or good) but I'am broke, no job and thinkin
about leaving. I have health issues myself. I'am so mad and disgusted with my
family, I'am stuck between a rock and a hard place and dont know what to do.
one of my brothers live here with mom and me but he don't do nothing but spend
the little savings my mother has. is it wrong to ask for access to her finances to
pay myself a little chump change for the things i might need? please help with
some feedback.

MindingOurElders said
Feb 9, 2009

You are right all around, and unfortunately, you have way too much company with this issue. This is how it works. Tag! You are it! The rest of the family has no guilt, as Mom is being cared for. If they can take advantage of you, they will. You can't force them to pay, so they won't.

You are right to ask. I would tell them that if they can't help financially, and also help enough so you have time to deal with your own health issues, you are turning it over to Social Services. They will take over. Also, you may have to tell them you will let the courts decide her guardian, and they will determine everything about her money. That is the truth. They will. She likely qualifies for Medicaid.

Hopefully, you won't have to go through this. If you tell them this, and mean it, maybe they will anti-up. If not, go on your state web site, look for something on aging services, and call them. Tell them your situation and ask what programs are in place, locally, to help you. Each state is different.

Please keep letting us know how you are doing. It does help to talk it out.
Blessings,
Carol

msTish said
Feb 22, 2009

I think this a letter is to my husband,, for many months i did this alone, not sure if you ever realized how much i was losing myself, but lately, here you are my partner, my friend, helping in everyway you can,, i love and respect your helping me through this journey believing you are truly with me makes me know i can on. and i just want you to know ,, you are my EVERYTHING..

Add Your Comment

Only helpful tips, support, and guidance should be entered here.


Must-Read Articles

Don't Let Caring for Your Elderly Parents Ruin Your Other Relationships

Sibling Issues Can Get Heated During the Holidays

An Addition to Your Caregiving Team: Your Parent's Grandchildren

Getting Your Siblings to Help With Caregiving

The Sandwich Generation: What It Is and How to Cope

Ask AgingCare - Get Answers from the real experts...other caregivers

Provide additional details 140 Characters Left

Meet our Elder Care Expert

 
Aging Parents and Elder Care Expert

SheriSamotin

Sheri Samotin

President, LifeBridge Solutions, LLC
Southwest Florida

Sheri Samotin brings more than 25 years of business and management experience to LifeBridge Solutions. Sheri is a graduate of Wesleyan University and holds an MBA from Dartmouth College. Sheri is a member of numerous professional organizations and serves on the steering committee of Collier County’s Leadership Council on Aging.

Read this Expert's Bio »

Stay Informed

Sign up to receive weekly updates from AgingCare directly to your inbox.

The material of this web site is provided for informational purposes only. AgingCare.com does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment; or legal, financial or any other professional services advice. Use of this site is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
©2010 MediaBrains Inc. All rights reserved.