Caring for Mom or Dad: Top 10 Concerns for the Family

Parents care for their children, to strengthen body and mind, and nurture them forward to independence. Siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and even friends and neighbors often join in the family circle, helping to care for the kids. Such is what caregiving is all about, a nurturing, supportive commitment by family and extended family members. Many of us have the opportunity to return that same level of commitment and support to Mom, Dad or both as they age. It is time to return the favor, not just individually, but as a family, to provide support where necessary and preserve your parents’ ability and independence as long as possible.

What are the 10 most important family concerns in caregiving for a parent? I’m glad you asked. Consider:

1. Rally the Troops

Deborah Halpern, Communications Director for the non-profit National Family Caregiver’s Association, urges that caregiving your parent is not a one-person job or burden. Instead, you should have a family team that includes friends and neighbors, each with a role and responsibility in the caregiving process.

There must be a ringleader, according to Halpern, who contacts each family member with the invitation or challenge to “step up to the plate and help.”

Consider the team concept as akin to hiring for different jobs in a company. Everyone is good at something, while he or she may be inept or less than qualified in another task or field.

When several family members are involved, even for just a few hours each week, the burden on the primary caregiver is reduced significantly. Sharing responsibilities also brings more family members into active contact, sharing, support, monitoring, understanding and visiting with Mom or Dad. 

2. Talk with Your Parent

Discuss freely with your parent his or her current needs, limitations and concerns, stating your positive belief and commitment to providing the services and assistance to maintain independence and activity while also fulfilling medical and other needs.

3. Consult with Medical Practitioners

Meet with physicians and other medical providers to learn their concerns and suggestions.

4. Bring the Family Together

Stage a potluck dinner or other gathering to bring all possible family, friends and neighbors together. Define a mission or program to maintain your parent’s independence, activity and medical needs.

From the session with your parent and then medical practitioners, have a prepared list of tasks that need to be covered, such as helping on meal preparation, driving to and from medical appointments, assisting on household chores, or visiting on a regular basis for personal chats - then make task assignments accordingly.

5. Identify Community Services

There are many professional and volunteer services available in every region of the United States, with information and coordination provided by the Area Agency on Aging (look in your local book for contact information. Every community has an Area Agency on Aging, and this federally-mandated organization is staffed by professionals who know every elder program and service in your area.) Halpern recommends: “Reaching out and asking for help is never a sign of weakness; rather it demonstrates strength and a keen awareness of abilities and sense of self.”

6. Observe Changes in Your Parent’s Condition

The family team concept in caregiving offers effective and unique opportunities for observing and identifying physical, mental or emotional changes in your parent. The primary caregiver may not recognize subtle changes, while a family member who assists for a few hours each week may quickly identify changes and can share them with the caregiving team. The family plan can be adjusted accordingly, professional counsel can be sought and/or support changes can be made to keep your parent independent, active and positive.