When each of my parents was dying, I was working full time. I had to juggle their need to see me each day (in the nursing home) with the need to coordinate their care with the nursing home, my son’s needs and my workload. There were doctor appointments for my dad, that I had to take vacation for, and the same went for ER runs when my mother fell and doctor appointments for my son. So that was my vacation time.
Then came setting up hospice care, first for my dad and then for my mom. Of course there were bedside death vigils, while wondering how my son was managing at home, physically and psychologically. He was very close to my parents, particularly my father. He was home on the computer the night Dad died, and when I got home he said “Grandpa died, didn’t he?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “I knew it, because he stopped by to see me on the way.”
Needless to say, between work, a sick kid and dying elders, it was hard to keep my brain fully functional in each area. When I was working, I was thinking of my loved ones’ needs. When I was with my loved ones, I was thinking of work and how I’d get it done. It was hard ever to be fully present in any moment.