Strategies to Consider

How do you deal with your parents when there are economic restrictions, no income from them, but they still want to spend money as before? Do you try to make them understand or just play a "dictator's" role?

MY MOTHER WAS ALWAYS A VERY SWEET WOMAN. SHE HAS BECOME MEAN, CRUEL WITH HER WORDS, TO A POINT OF ABUSE, AND HAS BROUGHT ME TO TEARS MANY TIMES. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE HER ANYMORE. I TRY TO IGNORE HER, BUT AT TIMES SHE BECOMES SO AGGITATED, SHE STARTS SCREAMING, BANGING HER HANDS ON THE TABLE, AND DOES NOTHING BUT COMPLAIN NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY TO PLEASE HER. ANY SUGGESTIONS AS TO WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO SAY, OR SAY NOTHING. I ACTUALLY GET SICK WHEN I KNOW I WILL BE SPENDING TIME WITH HER, AS I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEAS.
KATHY

I understand. It's a tough place to be as I well know. Do you have siblings? If so, do what I do and use the "tag team" approach. When I am frustrated with my Mom and know that it's best to retract from a situation at that moment, I call one of my sisters to take over. We all live at least 3.5 hours from my mom, so most of the time it's by phone, but it does help to get some relief so that I can take time to count to 10 and not get agravated. If you do not have siblings to do this with, be sure to talk with a good friend to at least get it off your chest. Also, perhaps there are local resources that help caregivers of Eldery parents who you could talk to. I wish you and your mom all the best!

Just try the best you can, I have siblings Peace, that do NOTHING to help. I 'm pretty sure I read that about your siblings as well. Not all families are lucky enough to have unselfish people in their lives to help with your burden. I would suggest that if she keeps up being abusive that way you should think of putting her in a home. I know that's a hard decision to make but your sanity and overall health is very important as well. I would start checking into that if it were me. My Mom is not that bad yet. But I do feel for you and hope that things will work out. God Bless you.

Lost my mom 6.5 years ago ... father is living alone in their large home. What was once a beautiful home, beautiful landscaping, and clean, well-kept residence, is now a run-down, dirty house - inside and out. My father lacks motivation, eats poorly, and is clearly depressed. He jokes about his lifestyle and couldn't care any less -- often laughing, saying "that's what retirement is all about". It's maddening. I used to help -- cleaning the house, pulling weeds, trimming bushes ... while he sits and watches. I have severe back issues and cannot keep up both homes. I have asked him to consider sellling, because it's obviously too large for him, overwhelming for him, etc. He just says, "it's not overwhelming -- I'm not as intense as you, I just don't care." He is the type that will be livid if I try to have a heart-to-heart with him, and I just don't know what to do anymore. My mother would be horrified if she could see him and the home they built. Any thoughts?