Warning Signs That Your Elderly Parent's Finances Are Off Track - And How To Deal With It

Thank you for this excellent article. My parent's finances were beyond warning, and their bank officer pulled me aside, and asked me to start coming along with them for appointments. How alarming! We previously had suspicions, but began to investigate. Piles of papers, Shut-off notices, Solicitor and Collection agency calls, credit card balances that would make a rich person quake, and a stockpiling of goods streaming in weekly from mail order.

Beforehand, I figured it was "none of my business." A diagnosis of Alzheimer's for Dad, and abuse and neglect suddenly made it my business. Neither had ever been good money managers, but their problems became critical. Even though it's their money, the court declared them incapacitated. Now I get to clean up the mess. What a nightmare! One year and a couple months later, things are more manageable, but the learning curve has been great, as well as the stress. Thank God for the help of professionals, the legal system, and caring individuals, who provide advice, support, compassion and love. I'm indebted to many, including this very helpful site.

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I just found this site a few days ago. I found it by accident, and so glad I did.
These stories are a lot like mine. I've been dealing with my father's financial mess, which has become my problem and nightmare. Thank God, I found this out before he completely lost everything he has worked his whole life for. There are many predators out there preying on old, lonely, retired, mentally incapacitated people. It can go on for years before people find out about their loved one's financial mess. I have been working on his problems for eight months now. He fell victim to financial abuse from an Insurance Agent/Realtor/Estate Planner. The person found out how much he was worth, where he had it, his personal life, etc. This person then befriended him, and pretended to care about him. They had him moving his money around so much, he couldn't keep track of how much he had and where. This person had him take out a loan on his house that had been paid for many years before. Now he has an ARM mortgage. He is 74 years old. I have filed an Elder Financial Abuse Case. This person was employed by a few Insurance companies that must now answer for that person's actions. This person also had him drain 98% of his life's savings, annuities, etc. This was not an overnight process mind you. This person worked on him for a number of years. I had no idea of the extent of damage, until I went to visit him from out of state. After having to operate mine and my husband's own business for a couple of years, helping to take care of my grandaughter for over three years, so my daughter could finish college with a four year degree. You all know the drill! I hadn't seen my father for five years. We have always been close, and wrote and spoke on the phone frequently, until the personality changes, when he would get mad for no reason and hang up on me. I was constantly in tears, not understanding what was going on. Eight months ago when we finally were able to see him, I walked into the house I had grown up in, in complete and horriffic shock. He was living in squallor. That's when I found out the whole story. I came across thousands of thousands of dollars in wire transfers that were sent to this supposed friend. Needless to say, this person is going to face justice now, in the criminal justice system. It has become my life's mission. Hoping I can regain some of the money he has lost to help cover the cost of his medical care and housing. Right now he is living with me and my family. He has dementia, and has always been very stubborn. He thinks he can go home, but he might lose it, since he is upside down on it and owes more than he can get for it. I'm trying to keep him from that, as best I can. I'm hoping that this person is put away for a long time, and cannot harm another incapacitated person as long as they live. Sorry this is so long, the whole story would take another 20 pages. Someone can have dementia for years before long distance family members realize what's happening, especially if they are not educated about alzheimer's dementia. Thanks for reading.

We share similar woes.

However, we couldn't prosecute, because my hubby's Dad forgot the perpetrator's name and incident due to strokes and dementia. The bank won't produce the evidence. A shame. Dad was left penniless, except for a van, which was sold to put him in assisted living.

Then I found out today my folks owe $16,000.00 in income taxes to the IRS, which will wipe out their IRAs I was going to apply to a portion of their home equity loan. On top of this, Mom has $650.00 monthly utility bills, etc., etc., etc. Can you say crisis?

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Anne, I am so so sorry! That is so sad to hear. Everyone's stories are a lot alike, but yet so different too. In my dad's case, since this so called friend was at the time employed by a few insurance companies, I was able to file a complaint with the Department of Insurance, Insurance Investigations Division, within his state. Since they, along with Adult Protective Services, were involved too, we have been able to file charges through the insurance industry. This person was selling annuities, life insurance, and had a real estate license. It keeps getting more and more detailed. But I'm sure that the bank had a petition served to them to produce all banking records by the Insurance Investigator along with the District Attorney. There is always a paper trail somewhere. I hope things go better for you and yours. Take Care

Thanks for posting. The whole thing is sad. The bank involved in our case said they "couldn't find" the records, even for a search warrant.

I told Mom she has to move. She doesn't want to. I don't want to do all the work, clean and sell her house, disperse her belongings. All that's involved... I never had to do any of this before. Petitions to Probate, etc. Nightmare time.

Does it make you think what could be done with $16,000.00? Instead of taking care of my Mom, paying her debts off, now the powers that be will have it to piddle away like my parents did. Glad it wasn't mine.

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