Here are 10 ways that caring for parents differs from caring for children:
1. Emotions
Emotions come into play in both caregiving scenarios, but the emotions are often different. Whereas raising a child is filled with moments of joy and satisfaction, caring for your parents is often accompanied by feelings of sadness and even denial. “You grew up being taken care of by your parents. Now, you’re taking care of them. People tend to underestimate how emotional that role reversal can be,” says Andrea Cohen, CEO of HouseWorks home care. “It brings up emotions that people didn’t think about; that they’re not prepared for.” The key is to talk about how you’re feeling with family and friends, or with a qualified therapist.
2. Logistics
Children live with you from the moment they leave the hospital, usually until they go away to college. But with aging parents, the logistics are clearly different. There may be a move involved. Or, the caregiver must think through how they will coordinate care for a family member who lives out of town, or even state. There are many different living options to consider, and so many issues that arise. For instance, most elderly do not want to leave their home, even if living there unassisted is no longer safe. The caregiver may not be aware of what’s really going on, because it’s typical for elderly to mask problems or symptoms, for fear of being forced to leave their home.
3. Intellect
“Debating a child is a far cry from debating your parent,” Cohen says. “It’s hard to argue with a parent who you’ve been parented by all your life.” Cohen has several recommendations if your parent is “fighting you tooth and nail.” One solution is to work with a geriatric care manager, who can assess the situation and make recommendations. Often, parents will listen to an objective third parent before they listen to their child – even though you have their best interests in mind. For the same reason, asking your parent’s doctor to speak with them can be helpful. Another technique Cohen recommends: Having a conversation with your parents early on – in their 60s, versus in their 70s or 80s.
4. Aging Process
Children are actually more predictable than the elderly, Cohen says. “You know at 1 year, they walk, at 2, they talk. But with parents, their health can change on a dime. Suddenly, the adult child is thrown into this world of caregiving that they don’t know anything about, and it’s scary.
5. Financial
Caring for an elderly parent can be an unexpected expense. Some seniors planned ahead with long-term care insurance and such – and of course Medicare helps – but still too often, families are strapped with an unplanned financial strain. After all, it’s hard to save for your parent’s care when you’re also saving for the kids’ college. The good news is the financial world is coming up with solutions: Long-term care insurance, life settlements, guaranteed retirement incomes.