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"Elder Rage, or Take My Father...Please!: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents"

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"Liar Liar, Pants on Fire" Sample book chapter from "Elder Rage"

Dad had not tried to drive since his foot “slipped” off the brake taking us on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride in the carport. Once I was gone, however, he started telling Ariana that he wanted to drive again. I told her to keep the car keys with her at all times and to just evade his pleas with distractions. One day she saw him going out the back door with his jacket on. “Where ya going, Jake?” she called after him.

“Ohhh, I’m gonna take a little ride. Please give me my keys and please move your car.”

“Umm, it’s a bit too dangerous for you to drive because you don’t see that well, but I’d be happy to take you wherever you’d like to go.”

“I’m the boss here and I say move your car right now!”

“Well, I’m sorry. I know it must be very hard on you, but I can’t let you hurt yourself or some innocent person now can I?”

“Goddamn it! I was driving Model T’s before your grandmother was born. You work for me and you do what I say, or else,” he yelled, inches from her face, pounding his fists on the kitchen table again. (It’s really amazing that it’s not concave by now.)

Ariana didn’t flinch—she’d learned my mother’s technique already. Later that day— Ariana came back from the store, threw her purse in her room and got Mom up to go to the pottie. Dad sprinted out of bed, doing the ten-yard shuffle racing into her room. Ariana’s little Gary yelled, “Mommy, Mommy, he took the keys out of your purse!”

“Jaaake,” she said to her other child, “give me the car keys. It’s too dangerous for you to drive. Where would you like to go? Come on, let’s go out for a nice ride. I’d be happy to take you if you give me the keys.”

His wrinkled nose started to grow. “I don’t have ’em.” She tried every which way to persuade him into giving her the keys on his own. No luck all day. Nope, he just didn’t have them. I tried to talk some sense into him.

“Oh Dad, I’m sorry you can’t drive anymore. I know how much you love driving, but we can’t risk an accident. What if you hurt someone? Wouldn’t you feel just awful? Please give Ariana the car keys.”

“I don’t know where they are—I swear to God.”

“If you won’t give her the keys on your own, you’re forcing me to have to get them away from you forcefully. You don’t want to go through that do you?” He went into a rambling rage calling me every nasty name he could think of and then hung up on me. Yeah, yeah, I know—I’m a bitch, I’m a sleazy whore again. Gee, no new terms of endearment?

Part 1 of 5

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castoff said
Jul 4, 2010

LORD, help us go gently into that good night and not do this to our children.

LynnPO said
Jul 5, 2010

Amusing story but... why go to all the trouble to argue. Remove the distributor cap from the car so that it won't fire. Even if s/he got the keys, the car would not start. Then tell anyone and everyone that he'd call for help; advise them that he can't drive any longer - doctor's orders. All of this arguing is nuts.

castoff said
Jul 12, 2010

I hate deception!!!!
What makes old folks think they have to TRICK their caregivers into doing what they want???? The fact that they have to lie at all should make them realize what they are asking for is wrong and not in their best interest!!!
If getting old is all about being selfish, self absorbed and deceptive; I hope I die before it happens!!!!!

FyreFly said
23 hrs ago

Thank you for sharing this story! I truly enjoyed your wit, ingenuity, and well-thought out writing style. I was right there with you, and it was an incredible experience. Great job!

I hope you and your sister are doing well - seems like you have a really good system. {{{hugs to you!}}}
~FyreFly

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Aging Parents and Elder Care Expert

SheriSamotin

Sheri Samotin

President, LifeBridge Solutions, LLC
Southwest Florida

Sheri Samotin brings more than 25 years of business and management experience to LifeBridge Solutions. Sheri is a graduate of Wesleyan University and holds an MBA from Dartmouth College. Sheri is a member of numerous professional organizations and serves on the steering committee of Collier County’s Leadership Council on Aging.

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