Why “Role Reversal” and Other Catch Phrases Can Skew a Caregiver’s Thinking

You had to take away the car keys. It was quite a battle, and he’s still mad. You have to remind her to use the bathroom often, or she’ll have an accident, and she’s embarrassed. You had to cut up the credit card that was being used aimlessly and often.  Are these people you are guiding your children or teenagers? No, they are your parents.

Does this mean you are now “parenting your parents?” Is this what they mean by “role reversal? Well, yes and no.

“Parenting your parents” and “role reversal” are phrases that are now in vogue. They make quick sound bites for interviews. They make great titles for books (I nearly named Minding Our Elders “Role Reversal,” but saw it was already being used too often. Fortunately, after much musing, I came to my senses.)

I have found that I have a real issue with these phrases. I understand the use, as people immediately “get” the meaning. Oh, your parents are in decline and you have to make their decisions and maybe even change their diapers. They nod. They sympathize. You have become your parents’ parent. You have switched roles with them. Or have you?