Depression and the Holidays

How do you care for a Mother (that one that had me didn't raise me and I don't need another Mother) she is Bi-Polo is on medication but I think sometimes she gets them mixed up Some days she is fine other days like today she is controling and demanding other days she is full of life and laughter and other days she can be so hurtful that I feel like I am walking on egg shells Her Doctor doesn't see this or think she has this so when I mention this he looks at me at says maybe it is you that is causing her to act like this She is negative always putting me down and doesn't like anything I do around the house or how I go grocery shopping or even the food I cook She wants everything is her way and doesn't understand fiances are very tight She feels it is her money she can do with what she wants and I can't help her to understand the stress and pressure I am under I can't even take care of myself I only take care of her 12 hours a week and some alimony which is barely enough to keep body and soul together but she just doesn't understand She blames me for everything My lack of work my seperation from my husband and the lack of money we have She is totally dependent on me She wont even wash a small pan or dish out She doesn't get it I only take care of her in the morning the rest of the time it is my own time She thinks this caregiver position is 24/7 She has a mind of her own and no matter what I do it is wrong I even told her what my Doctor said that it is Stress and Anxiety from everything she is putting me through along with my husband I just want out I can't even afford the co-pays or I would go back into therepy and back on Meds so then I won't care what anyone says or does and it won't bother me like it does I am doing my best but no one sees it Any advice or sugguestions Hurting and Alone

santababy266, first and foremost, unless your Mom's doctor knows something specific that you have been doing to your Mom, what he/she said is jaded, non-objective and contrary to sound principles and practices of geriatric medicine and the associated conditions that are part and parcel of that picture. Then again, your Mom's doctor may think he or she knows some positive "fact" that create a trigger to your Mom's bi-polar symptoms? Have you asked your Mom's doctor what he/she thinks you do "to cause" your Mom to conduct herself in the manner you have described?

If there is any truth to what the doctor is trying to signal to you, it may be worth hearing. If there is no truth to what the doctor is saying, sounds like you need to find an objective and experienced doctor for your Mom who ensures that her bi-polar illness is all that is going on with her and not anything else that may be fueling her anger, lack of connection to the reality of her financial situation, anxiety, etc. Most importantly, make haste to find a doctor who is not a communications tyrant, but a strategic partner with the patient's primary caregiver.

The other thing you may want to consider is whether you need to start planning alternate living arrangements for your Mom, be it assisted living and/or other long-term health care options. Your Mom's bi-polar illness and possibly her other symptoms are whatever they are. No sense trying to change her behavior(s) because you cannot. Most definitely, she will continue to "have a mind of her own," which is a sign that she is thinking, sensing, expressing and feeling.

My opinion only from everything you have shared, is that it is not your Mom who is "putting you through" the situation you describe. You and I choose how and whether we react to stressful situations, whether we go along to get along