End of Life: Questions and Answers

My parents are 85 and 90. They both live at an assisted living, which is very costly, plus they pay for 24/7 care each week by a live-in aide. I spoke to an elder care attorney 2 weeks ago asking for his advice about eventually trying to get my parents on Medicaid and into a nursing home when/if their needs change. He told me the first thing for me to do is prepay funerals for each of them. I know if I tell my Dad what I am doing, he will fight me all the way, and I can't fight with him anymore as it makes me very sick - emotionally, physically and depressed.

My brother who lives far away from me and my parents is very, very religious and does not believe in prepaying funerals for our parents, but I do and I am the power of attorney. I am getting very nervous about doing this, but I know I would be doing the right thing at the right time. If I ever had to do this last minute, I know I would literally fall apart and may not be able to cope.

Does anyone have any advice for me in this area. I would appreciate hearing from any of you. Thanks.

You say that your brother is very religious and does not believe in prepaying for funerals. Is that comment derived from earlier conversations with your brother or are you assuming because of his religion (whatever it may be) he will be against it?
Either way, I think that you would be wise to preplan and prepay. My Grandparents have done this and it helped immensely when my Grandmother recently passed away unexpectedly. My Grandfather is the one with Alzhiemer's Disease and everyone expected him to go first and Grandma just suddenly got ill and passed away. If you have Power of Attorney, you don't need permission from anyone and you probably already know that. Your parents gave you this job because they knew you would make decisions that would be in their best interest. That is not to say that they would always agree with them. My Uncle who is POA for my grandparents found that out when he had to take my Grandmothers car from her.....Don't fight with your Dad, just do what you think needs to be done without feeling guilty about it. Remember, it was their decision to make you their POA and not your brother. There must have been a reason. Good Luck!

Thanks so much for your reply. Everything you say is true and my plans are in the works. I found a funeral home which has a funeral director I can easily talk to, and by next week we will give him my parents' prepayment. I haven't discussed any of this with my parents because I don't want to bring them down. It will costs thousands of dollars which in the long run will help them go from Medicare to Medicaid.

I am about to hire a certified financial planner to help out with my parents medicaid planning and who would have a really good sense of what's going on with my dad's money. Once I have him on board, I will feel so much better than before!