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When to move from Assisted Living to Nursing Home or Alzheimer unit.

We had my aunt (94) moved from her independant apt to an assisted living unit near my mother and I...Aunt never had children so I am the only one to help take care of her...she had not adapted well to assisted living and her dementia seems to be worsening...she won't take her meds for patient services...refuses help with bathing....hates her food and insistes we bring her things every day...she has been caught knocking on residents doors at night and in others apartments...she can't manage her thermostate, tv, or telephone...we are contstantly having to go over there to fix them....she can't remember anything for more than a few minutes....her teeth are falling out and she refuses to go to the dentist or dr.....have made several appointments and when the time comes she won't get up out of bed (apt times were late afternoon)....HELP!!!!!!!!!!! I also work a full time job 60 hours a week and her sister is 86 years old and unable to help out much.....Aunt has limited funds left...approx. $45,000 and her only income is $900 SS and $154 VA benefits..her rent at the AL is $2055 plus any extras

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Carol Bradley Bursack

May 14, 2012

Hi Gayle,
It sounds like your aunt would qualify for a nursing home. Look for one that will accept Medicaid so that when she gets close to spending down the $45,000, you can help get her qualified for Medicaid. At her age, she may not outlive the money, but as you know, AL and nursing homes are expensive.
She really needs more care than she can get in AL. You may need a doctor's help to get her into a nursing home, so somehow you'll have to convey (by letter and a phone call?) to her doctor what is going on. You may also want to get some advice from the long-term care ombudsman in your area. The contact information can be found on your state website or at Good luck. This will be tough but you will feel more peaceful once you've accomplished the move.



Give a Hug

May 14, 2012

It does appear that now is the time to transfer to a nursing home as things are escalating and getting worse; unless the assisted living has an alzheimers unit; which is more expensive. As her money runs out, you can apply for medicaid.

This certainly is a sad situation and it will most likely be difficult for her to understand she has to move to another location. But, if you start now looking into nursing homes, etc. you can hopefully find one that has room for her or put her name on a waiting list.

And since she won't take her meds; becomes even more difficult as she could benefit from an anti-anxiety medication or whatever a doctor would prescribe.

My heart goes out to you as this is a big responsibility and so difficult with the advancing dementia. Blessings and hope things work out.



Give a Hug

Mar 18, 2014

I'm surprised the AL facility she is in hasn't told the family members that she can no longer stay at that particular ALfacility. My dad is in AL & has fallen several times. He is now in a rehab & has to be assessed by the Rehab AND a nurse from his AL facility has to do an assessment to see if he can take care of himself enough to go back there. In the case he cannot return it won't be easy for us to get him into a Nursing Home since he is already insisting on going back to his apt. at his AL facility. I have to explain to him firmly that it is not his decision I am surprised the woman mentioned above is still allowed to stay there.



Give a Hug

Apr 3, 2014

This is some thing bad, and my opinion is like just take her to any Alzheimer's care center like prestigecare/alzheimers.php were they will help your aunt. As you said she is 94 now and at this age you need be well care about her there may be chances of falling down. So it's better to take her in to any care center.

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