How many of you have quit your job to care…
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Jan 17, 2013
I have had my MIL living with us for about 6 months, and my special needs sister in law has lived with us for a year now. When my MIL moved in, I was able to make arrangements with my FT job to work part time from home and part time in the office. I can take care of my MIL in the morning for breakfast, morning meds then I go to work from 10- 2. We have family, friends and hospice help while I am at work. Now that she is getting weaker (end stage pancreatic cancer) I am thinking about taking leave under FMLA. I have a lot to do the next 4 weeks, but am hopeful that once I get this project done I will be able to take off the rest of the time she has to be with her. The demand of both work and caring for her are becoming way too much and have started taking thier toll on my own health.I am not sure of your situation, if it is short term or long term, but for me I know that I can return to my job after a few months without issue. If it were a long term situation with my MIL, I am not sure what I would do.
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Jan 18, 2013
My 2 cents...if you need an income to live, thenyou should not quit your job.Now is the time to call in as much help as possible, or look at other possible situations rather than trying to continue to be a caregiver yourself.It is not easy in this economy to find another job, and I dont think any parent who can think clearly wouuld want their child to lose their income, and possibly their house in order to care for them.As caregivers we HAVE to remember to care for ourselves as well.Quiting a job which you need in order to survive is not taking care of ones own self.
I quit working 4 times to care for parents. I also had children at the time, we scraped by. I couldn't do it all and had to give up something. I couldn't not care for my parents and I wanted and needed to care for my children. We were poor during that time, but I'm glad I was there for my parents when they needed me. It wasn't easy by any means and I had no help from siblings, but now that both of my parents are gone, I feel good about what I did. I think each person needs to decide for themselves and trust their instincts. Do what YOU need to do to keep going. It's not an easy road.
I was asked by my sibs to quit my job and care for Mom who has PD and dementia. That was 5 years ago. It's not been easy. My husband lost his job 2 years ago and had to start SS early when his unemployment benefits ran out. Our debt has risen quite a bit since all this happened. My husband is 64 and I am 61. It's a struggle emotionally and physically and mostly financially. This summer I will be 62 and am going to start receiving SS on my husbands and will wait until I'm 66 to draw on mine so I can get the full amount.If you are financially well off, it makes the decision to become a care giver a bit easier, but it will take a toll on your health and relationships in the end. I would tell you to go with your conscience in this decision because in the end, you still have to live with yourself. If you decide not to do this, don't beat yourself up over it. You have to do what is best for you. Good luck!
I did stop working due to mom's increasing dementia. I couldn't handle the guilt and the non stop calling from her when I was at work. I regret that I have nothing to go back to now that she has passed, I think it would help with the big hole her passing left, but I don't regret being available for her. Bless you on your journey. this forum was so helpful to me during a rough time.
For the past 4 years I have been the care provider for both my parents as well as my FIL. It is difficult without my income but my husband and I decided together this was the right thing to do and we have cut back our spending and our debt has increased. I do not regret this decision at all. This is a season in our lives and I'm happy to be able to give back to our parents we have given so much to us.
I quit my job several times to care for my dad who has had 3 strokes. He was in and out of nursing homes for the last 4 yrs. When I was caring for him I used his SS check to pay for Shelter & Utilities & things he needed. My husband made just enough to pay our personal debts (car, insurance, cell phones etc..). I also have a 25 yr old son at home who has Aspergers (High functioning form of Autism) who receives no Disability Income because he can read & write & walk & talk ( disability depts words, not mine) so we support him also. Dad was very TIGHT with his $$ and it was like pulling teeth in the beginning to get him to agree to pay any bills. In the last year his mental health has declined due to PD so it has been easier paying the bills assigned to his check. He went back into a nh 3 weeks ago and because of the loss of his income and no job YET for me to go to we have had to move & sell off some of our belongings to afford the move and pay some misc expenses.. I know I did the best thing for him in keeping him at home for as long as I could. I also saved the government thousands of Dollars by them not having to pay 5500.00 a mth for his care in a nh thru their medicare and medicaid program. My dad is a veteran but he was never in service during a war or he would have had benefits from that. Neither my brother or sister would give up their time or jobs to care for dad and they are financially stable and still employed. This happened with my mom 12 yrs ago. Same story just different parent. I've received "pats on the back" and "your a wonderful daughter to do this for your dad" but that isn't keeping the lights on and gas in my car. I sleep well at nite knowing I did the best I could for both my parents but wake up early worrying about how I'm going to survive.
End of pancreatic cancer it should unfortunately be fast. I would not leave job if I were you.
I was in the fortunate position to take a buyout from my company nearly 5 years ago and I did so in part to help my parents. At that time, their needs were not as great as they became, but I knew what was up ahead for us given both their conditions. I could never have juggled my job with their demands as they ramped up. So I was grateful to be in the financial position to stay at home (we have 2 kids at home as well). I desperately miss being active in my line of work (journalism), but I am very grateful I have been able to take care of my parents. My father passed away 5 months ago after a long illness and Mom has dementia. I took my dad to all appointments and did their shopping and coordinated their household. Since his death, we've moved Mom twice and she is now in a great memory-care residence, a safe and secure place for her and us. I am in the process of cleaning out her house in order to put it up for sale. There is now light at the end of the tunnel for me. I have given up much to care for them, but I don't regret it at all. When I left my job, one sister had just moved 6,000 miles away and my other sister is the primary income for her family. I was in the best position to take on this role and I am stronger and better for it. I am also in a solid financial position and have a supportive husband. If I didn't have those two things going for me, I know I would be miserable and probably could not have sustained this journey.
I have to second what the others have said, if it will put an undue financial burden on you then you should probably look elsewhere for her care and keep your job. The financial stress of caregiving can totally overwhelm and dishearten even the strongest. Think long and hard about it and pray on it before making your final decision.
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