Family & Relationships
I just need to vent.
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Does anyone else have this happen to them? My nonagenarian mil lives with my hubby and I in our home, as she can no longer live on her own. She insists on playing mommy to us, and we are in our fifties! She sets bedtimes for us at 8:00 pm, tells us what to eat, and how to live our lives. She even tells us when we can and cannot have visitors in our own home, and we always give her plenty of notice beforehand. I realize she is probably trying to maintain some control in her life, and also be a loving mother/mil, but it does become quite annoying. My husband and I try to explain that we haven't had and 8:00 bedtime in about forty years, but she just won't listen. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. :)
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Sep 13, 2013
You vent away! That must be VERY annoying. Does she perhaps have dementia or diminished capacity for some reason? I assume that you are not really going to bed at 8:00 or eating what she tells you to eat ... so this isn't a practical concern, but an emotional one. You don't owe your mother any explanations for your behavior. If she won't listen to explanations, stop trying to explain. Laugh off her "orders," and change the subject. And come here to vent!
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Thank you Jeanne, appreciate it. No, we don't actually go to bed at 8:00 pm just to appease her. Not sure about the dementia, as she adamantly refuses to see a doctor. Yes, trying to explain goes in one ear and out the other. Thanks so much, take care.
They never stop being a mother. Mine can drive me crazy. She forgets that I am 61 now. In her mind I will always be the willful teenager who won't follow her mom's advice. I don't do things like eat a cookie or ice cream in front of her now, because she'll talk about how boys don't like fat girls. She is forever giving me advice on getting a job and finding a husband. She doesn't think that working from home is really working. I can't be around her for too long at a time, because she starts in on me -- I have some varicose veins in my leg, I'm getting heavy around the middle. Mom! I'm 61 years old. Give me a break.
I would like to say it is just that she is my mother and that she has dementia, but the truth is she did the same thing when I actually was a teenager. I used to walk away then, too, after I'd had enough. Now I usually do retire to my room at about 8:00, so I can play on the computer, search the auctions, or watch Hulu/Netflix. I enjoy the Me-Time so much.
Sep 14, 2013
Thats exactly what my mother is like. You can only watch what she likes on TV. No alcohol, especially beer. The shows on TV must be a G rating or she is discusted. She wont even let us watch the evening news because of the reported violence. You are not allowed to buy a gallon of milk because it takes up too much room in her fridge. You are not allowed to put groceries away, or dishes, because she won't be able to find them. Her and my fathers health are failing they need help and I feel I have to move in with them. Dont know how Im going to do it.
crowley02702, I'd explore every possible way to help them without moving in with them. And if you do move in, bring your own television and refrigerator! :)
Dear Allie, I would go nuts in short order if I had to put up with that! If you MIL is not in dementia (although I suspect she is, living in her own altered reality) you and hubby might want to try sitting her down and explaining that her behaviour is not appropriate, especially when she is living in YOUR home, and it is quite obvious that you are not children. The likelihood of this working is slim. So as Jeanne says, you could just laugh it off and go on about your lives as you see fit, basically ignoring her nonsense. A few suggestions: at meal times, if she starts dictating about the food, simply say "Mom, I'm making pot roast tonight and if you don't want that, I can fix you soup and a sandwich. Would you prefer that for yourself?" As for bedtime, I would say "Mom you can go to bed at 8:00 pm if you like, but we are staying up much later. If it bothers you, perhaps you would rather watch TV in your own room and go to sleep whenever you are ready." I would immediately cease giving her any information about your entertaining visitors, and ignore her dictates on that score. If she feels uncomfortable when you have company, she can stay in her own room that evening. I doubt she will stop any of this crazy behaviour until you stop catering to her. I also think it is critical that you and your husband present a united front, otherwise she might just start playing you against eachother.
Ugh..I know how you feel. I would agree with Jeanne that she probably has dementia. You should read up on it..
Sep 15, 2013
It's funny you mention Hulu and Netflix Jessie, because my husband and I watch a lot of it in our bedroom, just to get away. I will check into dementia for my mil, you might be correct Ache. Thanks.
i should be venting. im sitting here eating chicken pumps cause evidently the store was out of beaks and claws. man im cheap !! but ive got brotchen rolls. had they failed i was gonna jump off a bridge . chicken pumps aint no substitute for whole wheat brotchen rolls. mmmm!!
Captain, do we really want to know what chicken pumps are??
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