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He talked her out of taking her of taking her bp meds. She had a stroke monday. He told the hospital she was drunk and on pills. She is incapable of handling her own affairs and cannot remember anything longer than 30 minutes. This was before the stroke! We cannot get her to agree to see a doctor to be evaluated since she is away months at a time with this man. She has in a 2 year period gone through an approximate total of $200,000. Which was left for her by my father who passed away. He also left her with several rental properties along witht he family home which are going to be taken because the property taxes are going unpaid. What can be done to keep this man away from her and have her evaluated before everything is lost and in his possession? Each time it is mentioned to her she looks at us and say" My taxes aren't paid?" PLease give us direction while there is time left.
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Aug 9, 2009
Is she married to this man?
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How is your mother's decision making in other areas? Does anyone in the family have POA? You may need to talk to an Elder Law Attorney, and get some legal advice. If your Mom cannot make good decision, or her judgement is slipping, talk to her Primary Care Physician, and see about a Neurological evaluation. Someone in the family may need to get Guardianship and Conservatorship (through the Probate Court) to protect her and her assets. Unless she's married to this man...then it's out of your hands. If you suspect fraudulent activity, and can prove it, you may want to talk to the local police, for investigation, or to file a complaint. Widows can be so vulnerable, and this is not unusual. Good idea to check things out on your Mom's behalf.
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Aug 10, 2009
Mom has a spring POA. It has to have 2 medical Drs. to fight this thing. I will check into the elder law attorney idea. Thanks!
Aug 11, 2009
You and your mother's doctors are in a difficult situation. If in fact she is well enough to handle her own financial affairs right now and revokes the POA or you resign your appointment, then your mother no longer has a valid POA, springing or otherwise. If she relapses and you need to take control of her financial affairs in the future, you will need to place her under a court ordered conservatorship which can be quite costly.Check the spring POA to see if there is a clause that allows her to regain control of her affairs after she recovers without revoking it, but allows you to serve as her agent upon a relapse.In the meantime, I strongly recommend you report the events you describe to any local authorities who will listen--including your county Department for Aging. This applies even if your mom is married to the person you claim is taking advantage of her. If you register these complaints now, you may be able to make a claim for Elder Abuse later. What you have described sounds very much like a premeditated scam at best and a case of elder abuse at worse. Best guidance is do for your mom what you would want done for you if you found yourself in her situation. Like I have said before in this Community: Sometimes Love must be as cold and hard as steele. This could be one of those times.
Jan 12, 2010
I'm sure some (if not many) of you have been through this. My mother, who will be 80 in May, recently had a minor stroke followed by a heart attack and stent placement. I have moved into her home to care for her. My two brother's and I are on the same page as far as her care, finances, will, etc. However, I have a nephew who at 33, has never held a job is unemployed and is living rent and bill free in a rental property of my mother's. He has lied and manipulated her to get into this place and plays on her sympathies to get additional money. Anyway, we need to sell this property but Mom refuses to hear of it. She also recently befriended a homeless couple (she was volunteering at a soup kitchen) allowed them into her home either for them to do paid work around the house, or to take showers, etc. They wound up stealing the family silver which they then pawned. My Mother seems sharp and has her wits about her on most subjects, but her heart of gold is causing money that my brothers and I are afraid she may need in the future to pour out to people with selfish motives. Any advice?
Jun 2, 2010
My father is 78 and has recently started dating a women who is 59. After about 2 months she has basically moved in with me. She has a key to the house and sleeps there every night. She works as a teacher so she is not around in the day time she said her school is closer to his house then hers so therefore she needs to stay at his house. Its been 4 1/2 months now and she has changed all her doctors to near my fathers house and she is now a new member of a church by my fathers house. When we call my father on the phone he puts us on speaker and she sits on the phone for every conversation we have. When I recently visited him I could not have a single conversation with my father. She will not let him leave her site. When I ask my father questions she answers for him. The family expressed our concern about their relationship and my father said to our surprise that we are just jealous. I really worried that she may be manipulating him. We don't want him to push us away and we don't know what to do.
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I meant to write she has moved in with him not me.
Jun 3, 2010
Dear concerned, you should be very concerned. This sounds exactly like what I went through with my Father. My Dad lost his home, and much of what he worked all his life for. I didn't see all this because I lived out of state. I learned about all this, and Dementia, after most of the damage had already been done. Fortunately I was able to put a stop to it, and make sure Dad couldn't be hurt anymore by her. I was my Father's only child left, so he had a Living Will created years before. I was finally able to have the woman arrested for Elder Financial Abuse, only to have the DA release her, because he said there wasn't enough evidence. There was a mountain of evidence. Even the Department of Insurance in his state was involved and put the warrant out for her arrest. The DA was just too lazy, and they didn't want to spend the extra time or money to pursue the case in criminal court. This is how our justice system works. You are on your own. It doesn't cost that much to file for Guardianship/Conservatorship, if you do it yourself. I know this, I have done it myself without a lawyer. I did however waste $1,000 on other things I had the Attorney do that I could have done myself, at a minimal cost. Do you have a Power of Attorney, or does your Father have a Living Will in place? You must find a way to get her out of his house, because she will take everything he has. I know this by my own Father's experience, long story. There is not much you can do without a Power of Attorney. Does your father have dementia? Seniors who can be manipulated like this usually have some dementia, and do not realize what is happening to them. The very first thing that needs to happen, if it can, is that if he does have dementia, he must be declared by a Doctor (in letter form) to be incompetent. Try talking to your own family doctor if you have to. Then you can file for Guardianship/Conservatorship, then you could file a restraining order against her, and have her removed from your Father's home. But before that happens I think you have to file a report of Elder Abuse with Social Services, and a complaint to your local Police Department as well. And make sure the Police take it seriously (another long story of my own). You may want to consult with an Elder Law Attorney to see what can be done in your particular situation though. Also educate yourself, go online and learn as much as you can about Dementia/Alzheimers and Elder Abuse/Financial Abuse. If only I had been educated about Dementia/Alzheimer's sooner, Dad and I would have never had to go through what we did. I feel for all of those going through this same situation, it is a nightmare. The laws need to be changed somehow to protect our seniors. I have heard and read a lot of jibberish about organizations who claim they are advocates and out to protect seniors from Financial Abuse, even some lawyers. They get money for that, and their books they write about. I got a referral from a friend who worked for a huge law firm for a lawyer who claimed to be an advocate for seniors, did a write-up on the internet and everything. Pshhh, I spoke with him on the phone. He didn't even want to hear my story at all, unless I was going to give him $500.00/hr. And then he told me that the courts would just turn it around on me, and ask where was I when all this was happening to Dad. Not saying all attorney's are this way, but if there is one out there that would take the case on a contingent, I would love to meet him or her, and have just the case for them worth a lot of money. The money means nothing to me, they could have every penny of it, as long as this person was behind bars, so she could never hurt another senior again. But no, they let her out to find another victim. This in itself is the real crime. Don't know if any of this helps anyone, I hope it does. The very best of luck to all of you who must deal with this, my heart goes out to all of you.
Thanks so much for your response. Yesterday I did get the number for The National Center for Elder Abuse and I talked to someone today. The woman had told me exactly what you said that we need to go to the local precinct and explain to them with as much details and facts as possible to argue our case. She said they may or may not do a background check and hire an Investigator depending on how much evidence we have on her which is going to be hard to prove. Something is just not right with this woman and everyone in the family is concerned so we just need to find a way to protect my father before it is too late. My father is getting to the point where is becoming isolated from us and if anything starting to get angry and turn against someone of us. I don't know what kind of crap she is filling his head with but whatever she is doing it is working. Unfortunately I do think he may have a slight case of dementia but my siblings say he's fine.
Thanks again for your advice.
maybe you can denounce this man to the cops and with this police report you can go to court to get guardianship over your mom. get an order of protection to have him away from your mom and make him restore the money he stole from her/make him responsible for the rental property taxes owe.
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