My mother-in-law has Alzheimer's and my husband won't put her in a senior's home.

Wow, it's tough at your age to be going through this, most of us are older than you and we still feel the pinch of freedom as well, but it's much tougher at 26 still at the partying age. How is her health overall? He may feel that she may pass away soon and wants to keep her near. I would look into getting a caregiver that can come in and help and also provide time away for you (kinda like a sitter). That would be the best option for you right now to try instead of leaving.

I agree with Pirate.

Something else to consider:

If a man is good to his mother, he'll always be good to his wife.

Age 26 with a MIL who is 86 sounds like your husband must be several years older than yourself which itself can be a challenge. I could be wrong, but what I am reading betweeen the lines is that you are feeling alone with his attention on his elderly mother who is blind, can't hear, doesn't sleep at night, is understandibly afraid of being alone, plus has Alzheimer's all of which are major health problems which I also think would meet the criteria for going to a nursing home if not now, at least soon, but that's something for a home health nurse or the MIL's doctor to have some input on.

Have you and your husband tried to talk about what is going on with you which makes you cry and feel like not going home? Was he been taking care of his mother before ya'll got married? When did she come to live in your house? How long have you and your husband been married? Is this a second marriage for him? Does he have any siblings? What does your family and friends think of this situation?

HI, i appreciate so much your comments. My mother in law is living with us for the past 5 months we're been together for 6 years. Yes my husband is older than me, and he has a brother that doesn't wanna know anything about his mother. Also, she has a woman that help us 24 hour with her. But, i live in a small home and she is screaming all the timee in the living room! and her room is next to us and she wake us up! everynight! like 3 am 4 am 6am 1am!! and i don't have family here! :{ nobody at all! i hope my husband consider leave her in a nursing home at least twice a week! because i'm really tired the pill for sleep is not working! and i need some rest!!!!! thanks again for the comments! is really helping me! Ahhhh and also she is really meannnn! :{

How does your husband sleep through all of that noise? So, I gather that your husband is your MIL's favorite son? Who took care of his mother earlier? What changes in her health lead to her moving in with you? Do you have any friends where you live? Although you don't have any relatives there, what advice have they given you? Since ya'll can afford 24 hour care for you MIL, could she live in her own house or appartment with the same 24 hour care? Basically, your husband is paying for his mother to have a nursing home privately for his mother in your home and it sounds like you don't feel like it is your home anymore? That's quite a change for a spouse at age 26 and more so after being married for 6 years.

If you have the funds available to pay for your MIL to go into a nursing home, I think you and your husband would do well to give it some good consideration. I have seen the "experts" who give advice on this forum say that when an elder has dementia (which your MIL has), it is advisable for that elder to not live with the family. Your reactions to what is going on in your household is normal, due to the stress and disruption. And losing sleep will really start to wear on you and your husband. I'd like to see you and your husband get the relief you need, and it looks to me like you would either need more in-home care for her, or place her in a nursing home. You say your husband is adamantly against the nursing home option. You could explore this with him, and ask him to tell you what his concerns are about this option. Some of these homes are well -run, with good care for the residents ....You could visit some to see. But this is a personal decision---yours. And I'm just giving you my two cents. Weigh all the options, pray, talk openly with your husband.

she used to live alone in a house.She used to have a person that work from 10am to 6pm. But because she was alone nobody pay attetion to her disease! ( that's why she is scared of being alone now) she already lost her mind! she still doesn't know that she is living with his son she thinks that she is in her home alone that's why she scream to see is somebody is in there! and she doesn't recognize her son! :( She cannot live in another house with the 24 hour care we don't have more money for that :{ (But is A Good Idea!) My family and the people that i talk said that this situation is very strong and sad for me my mom is worries she is always asking are u taking care of her ? you know she is my mom and the worst part is that i don't feel at home anymore i feel in at hospital!! right know! Thanks for your interest! :)

Yes, it does sound very much like your home is now a hospital and a nursing home is one step below a nursing home which is where your MIL really needs to be or it sounds like your marriage is on the rocks which I hate to hear. Is your husband in the military or ex military? Your situation is an extremely tough one. I gather English is a second language for you. I have some Korean and Japanese friends and neighbors for whom English is a second language. With your MIL having 24 hour help at the house do you work outside of the home?

goodMorning caramelven... I feel for you in this situation.

If your husband is sleeping through the night not hearing all of the eruptions. I think I would tape record it, then sit down with him and tell him you aren't getting your sleep because of it.

Is he resisting putting his mother into the home because of money or his own personal feelings about "homes"? They have changed over the years, maybe he should visit one.

She will get much better care in a home and have 24 hour watch she needs.

Everyone has a breaking point or tolerance level. You must stress to him you have reached yours and for your own mental health something has to change. (or he will have 2 to take care of 2)

You have to take time for yourself to meditate, deep breaths when the stress is high, relaxing music and walk when you can.

If you aren't healthy both mentally and physically you aren't going to be any help to anyone else.

Your husband must make the painful decision to have someone, other than the two of you, take care of his mother.
He must place her in a home, or get someone in there full time to care for his mother. Your marriage is at stake. She is 86 and has had a life. It is important to save yourself and your marraige. Where is YOUR mother???