For many of caregivers, even the thought of people other than family members providing daily care for our elders is difficult – even painful. Yet, the reality is that often there are too many demands on caregivers' time to allow them to give full-time care to an aging or ill parent. That means caregivers must sometimes turn to others for help.
In my family, there were multiple elders—my father, uncle, mother and mother-in-law-- in need of varying levels of care at the same time I had to care for young children. Eventually, they all went to the same facility near my home and I became a daily visitor and part of the care team.
While not every certified nursing assistant (CNA), nurse or even housekeeper was able to answer my loved ones' every need immediately, overall, these people were exceptional. When I did have a concern, the caregivers and I were always able to address the problem in a satisfactory manner.
Not everyone is so fortunate. I receive e-mails from readers on a regular basis who have legitimate complaints about their elders' in-home, assisted living or nursing home care. While some problems aren't very significant, others require action. Here are some things to consider if you are unhappy with your loved one's care:
Be realistic. Care centers are generally too understaffed to give one-on-one care, unless you are paying for a private duty nurse. Don't expect your loved one's call light to be answered immediately every time.
If a hands-on CNA seems neglectful, speak up. Many times what seems neglectful is a simple misunderstanding. Because these front-line workers often have many people to look after, they may require a little time to get to know your relative. Talk directly with the caregiver about your feelings to see if the situation can be resolved in a quick and friendly manner.
If the CNA seems uncooperative or defensive, talk to a supervisor. In a senior living facility, a floor nurse or social worker should listen to your concerns and try to remedy the situation--or at the very least, explain why it occurred. If you are hiring in-home care, call the person who schedules the caregiving.
If talking to the supervisor doesn't help, go to the administrator. In the case of in-home care, talk with the agency or franchise owner.
If you still don't get any satisfaction, call your local ombudsman. This person can be found on your state website under "aging," or on the National Long-Term Care Ombudsman Resource Center at Ltcombudsman.org. Ombudsmen are well versed in settling problems between care facilities and care receivers or their families. They also can help with neglect issues, such as bedsores or improper feeding.
If you are still not satisfied, consider moving the elder to a different home. This is a drastic step, but sometimes necessary. Your ombudsman can be helpful with this process.
If you see hitting or signs of physical abuse, call the police. If there is immediate danger, your response needs to match the seriousness of the situation. Remember, you are your vulnerable elder's advocate.