Tips on Visiting an Elderly Parent in A Nursing Home

This is an excellent article with many good tips. When my mother was in a nursing home, there were many times that I didn't want to go visit, but "forced" myself to. I always left feeling better than when I came - not only visiting my mom but also saying "hi" to residents in the hall and gathering places. A friendly face brightens their day!

Excellant article. Thanks alot. I have gone through some of these feelings myself. I still ask the question once in awhile," why is my Mom in the Nursing Home?" I am a Caring Clown and it is amazing how everyone lights up when I come in the building.

Hi
My mom is in a nursing home and yes there are smells there that sometimes make me want to escape; but somehow I manage to cope and stay by my mom's side. If I had my way, I would take care of her at home but the option just isn't there, so I do the next best thing and remain diligent in my devotion to taking care of her as best I can at the nursing home. Thanks for a great article on a subject few people want to discuss.
Mimara

Your article reminds me that my most memorable visits to many nursing homes has been looking forward to chit-chatting with other residents who have welcomed positive interactions with others. Sometimes those residents have no visitors otherwise. Some individuals who reside in nursing homes are very endearing. Thanks for the reminder!

My mother was in a nursing home. She was on Medicaid. In Georgia,and maybe elsewhere, to change nursing homes they must have been taken to a hospital for 3 days in a row. You can not change by your own choice.After she became violently ill, just hours after her roommate died...they had a ham sandwich at the same time, a nurse called to tell me. She thought she had hung up the phone, but I heard someone berating her for calling us and saying, "Fine, if they want to pay for it." meaning her trip to the hospital. My son and I went to take her to the hospital. The social worker (manager) at the home said it was a virus that was going around on the hall she was on. The psuedo doctor, with no practice that I could find, came to the nursing home, squeezed her leg, said, "I guess you'll be going to the hospital." and rinsed his hands off in the sink in her room without using soap. At the hospital and hooked to heart monitors and numerous times setting of the alarm, I showed the attending physician the dried excrement on her toes in a desperate attempt to get them to recommend a move from that nursing home. The nursing home had tested her for dementia and had her sign a DNR. Yet when she and I went to the nurses desk to see her chart, they refused. The compression stockings I would bring her and put on her, would be gone the next day and they refused to find the ones I bought! This happened repeatedly at some expense.(They were quality hose). Once when she said she was very scared because she couldn't breath and thought she was dying, she said all they did was pat her on the back. They had no oxygen to give her on the premises! Her clothing was in other peoples rooms and all they gave them at night was a sugary lemonade with zero nutrional value. The physical therapist refused to put something on her footrests so her legs did not have strain and were supported. He told me to roll a towel up and tape it to her footrest. The requests for milk went unfulfilled. They did not even note in her chart about her gasping for breath and the nurse just sitting there patting her on her back telling her everything would be alright. One nurse came in and pulled her roommate up by her hair in helping her get up to go to the bathroom, while she glared at my mother. A change purse was stolen and the social worker that was always in charge during the day couldn't have cared less. Staff were asking her for money "to feed the stray cats" that hung around. Mother gave them fairly good description of the nurse that pulled her roommate up by her hair. The "manager" did absolutely nothing. The night she went to the hospital, the social worker "manager" was calling my cell phone repeatedly wanting information....a little late! This place is in Fairburn Georgia. It is a horrible place and when I met a gal in training to be a nurse and had gone there as a part of a course she was taking...she said it was horrible and nothing like other nursing homes. These places are nothing but tax writeoffs for the owners. They even billed her medicaid for a test they had no way of doing. I wrote the state department of human resouces and nothing happened to then. It was unsubstantiated, they said. DISGUSTING! Welcome to Georgia folks!

Great article, with practical tips for handling an emotional and difficult life event!

Nursing homes. Firstly, the name Nursing should be removed,and replaced with assisted funtional homes. My Mother was in hospital for 10 months with an infection and put in an isolation rom and starting to behave like a person with Dementia. She was discharged and sent to a Nursing home and placed in the Dementia Unit. It was so sad to see the lack of care and emotional care. But what really frightened me was that my Mother was misplaced in this home. She has never been clinically diagnosed with Dementia and I had to challenge everyone involved with my Mothers assessements to convince them that depression and dementia can present with similar syptoms and I moved my Mother to another home which proved better. But what still concerns me is that with all our knowledge and resources, we are getting alot of things wrong in terms of caring for the elderly. The lack of emotional well-being, lack of interaction and lack of correct diagnoses leaves many elderly people in a home that is purely keeping them fed and clothed. These homes are very expensive and still fail to tick alot of boxes. I would like to see legislation brought in place to protect people who are living in these places. Human rights and all the other policies in place is not enough. I alone cannot change this situation, but really hope that if by a miracle I get any spare time, I can start awareness into this mess that our 'nursing homes' actually offer.

Marianne, you are so right about dementia and depression. What horrible nursing home stories you and the other person who shared have experienced. My worst nightmare. I am not a nursing home fan because I know of too many horror stories. I am glad nursing homes exist, however, but the public spotlight always needs to remain in place for obvious reasons. Functional homes - I like that! I think someone else here at AgingCare.com dubbed them warehouses. That, they are.

As to expesive nursing homes, the stories shared by one of my friends whose mother was in one such home are no different than the concerns shared by the rest of us relative to non-expensive nursing homes. There is a problem that is not being adequately or strategically addressed when it comes to nursing home care and operations. Thanks for your sharing. It makes me think.

What an encouraging article! Thank you. Too many times we avoid doing things because they make us "feel" uncomfortable. This article encouraged me to put my feelings aside and visit my mother in her skilled care nursing home often, because it is the right thing to do. In our Sunday School class with our children we sing the song "J O Y....I'll tell you what it means....Jesus first, Yourself last, and Others in-between. If we look to how we can please the Lord, be a blessing to others, and actively refuse to worry so much about ourselves, it puts a whole new perspective as to how we should live our lives--thanks again for this site:)