Caregiving Can Be a Rewarding Experience

As primary caregiver for my father who died last month at the age of 91, I can attest to all the points in this article. Being a caregiver to an aging parent was one of the most difficult tasks of my life. From the standpoint of hindsight, I am beginning to believe that I have learned so much from this experience than could not possibly be learned in other ways. We are grieving, but we are also grateful.

I am caring for my husband, he is 82 and I am 58. He has AZ and recently had several small strokes. I work full time and until recently, had part time help in our home. I feel over whelmed, not only by the added workload, but in the fact that I am losing my husband of 20 years. My heart is broken. We often hear of someone caring for a parent. & even a spouse when they are closer in age. We don't fall into either category. I am nowhere near retirement and I see a long road ahead of us. I feel very frightened and alone. Because this is my spouse, there are no "siblings" to help out. His adult children don't live anywhere near us. My daughter helps as much as she can, but she has her own young family and work obligations. Friends don't know what to do, so they stop calling. Medicare (home health) only helped for a short time after a hospital stay. The nursing care facility was a nightmare. (ended up reporting them to the health dept). I don't mean to sound negative, Oh my! Yes there are moments that make my heart sing. But, by only acknowledging " the bright side" it does an injustice to those of us who are struggling.

Honeyswife,

What you wrote is very true because it is rather invalidating to say 'just look at the bright side' Wow a 24 year spread of age difference between you and your husband! Was he 48 and you 24, when ya'll got married?

I find the combination of being 53, on disability for the last 8 years with a wife also on full disability for the last 9 years, with one child in college, and another with a recent diagnosis of ADHD, and being the only child of a declining mother in a nursing home with step-siblings and step-parent in her second marriage, not to mention my dad's second marriage to all be far too much like what I did professionally for 20 years and am so burned out that I'm a shell of who I used to be that this caregiving thing, even with mom in a nursing home is often too much!!!!

This article brought tears to my eyes and very much helped me. I find it an honor to be there for my mother, age 84 and of very sound mind yet confined to a chronic care facility due to issues following open heart surgery during May, 2009. Admittedly I am not a 24/7 caregiver because my mother is at this facility, but this experience has changed my life as I was so used to having a healthy mother and companion. The love that I have for my mother is enormous. I get no family support which I have learned to accept. Anger about that was not positive for me. Today I will spend with my mother and look forward to it. She is my best friend and was always there for me. Now is my turn to be there for her. She deserves no less.

I just want to add that my father passed this last Monday. He had Lewy Body Dementia. It was a truly difficult last ten months of his life, so both he and myself are now at peace with his passing.
But, I have to say that the two years I have been daily going to this website and gleening information and encouragement and support from so many people and so many topics, I was able to cope with the situations that arose with my dad, as well as learn so much about caregiving. I had two years of excellent hands-on training. Now, I hope to further use those skills by helping others in finding caregiving jobs out in my community to support myself. I know there are many people who need loving, trained assistance and I've learned how to do it, thanks to all of you. It took "a community" to help me get Dad through his last journey; now I can help others.

This is one of the most inspiring articles that I have ever read. Thank you so much for giving me one more reason to keep going. Your article on point. Even if this is a lonely job, it a job worth doing. Thank you again.

Today I needed this post. I just finished telling God, I didn't know how much more I could take. Mom was mad at me, because I could find anything to make her stop belching. She has been belching for almost 5 hours. I have tried everything except the kitchen sink. She was mad at me for not trying "something else". Of course with AZ she doesn't understand it's not going to hurt her, it's just annoying. I finally got her to eat some yogurt, and tried to ignore her for awhile and then she comes to me and says, "you're not mad at me are you? " Now who feels guilty? After Christmas, I have to place her in an assisted living home, in order to keep my marriage together. It is the hardest decision I have ever made, but my husband has given up 3 years of his life for me to have her with me. He wants to travel, while his health is good. I don't know how I am going to do this, but I guess I will....