One Man's Story of Caring for His Elderly Mother

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Dan Zeorlin's caregiving story is a textbook example of men who are primary caregivers. In February 2003, Zeorlin's loved one was diagnosed with breast cancer. Zeorlin transferred most of his professional structural engineering assignments to his home office so he could provide full-time care to his family member, plus full-time parenting to his two daughters.

At the time, many people considered his decision radical because they believed that family caregiving was provided by women.

Dan Zeorlin had much to learn but, at the time in the Kansas City area, he found no support groups or programs for men as caregivers. He then checked nationally for information and support and discovered a similar void.

"Linda's treatment, recovery and recuperation was most intense the first year," states Zeorlin. "I had much to learn. I believed then, as I do now, that sharing with and support by other caregivers, is very important.

"Learning to give care was, for me, an epiphany. Linda asked me to accompany her on the fight of her life, so I chose to become more dependable," adds Zeorlin.

In March of 2008, Linda completed her fifth year without a return of breast cancer. The odds against it ever returning are now almost totally in her favor. Over the five-year period of caregiving, Dan Zeorlin became a serious advocate for services and programs for male caregivers to and for their elderly parents.

Over the same five-year period, new research found and reported that, in 2003, men comprised 30 percent of the caregivers of older and disabled family members; today's estimates increase their share of caregiving to almost 40 percent.

Today, some support groups for male caregivers are operating in many areas of the nation. Zeorlin continues his commitment to caregiving as a board member of the Community Care Coalition in Kansas City. He has also drafted a caregiver's manual for men and developed a detailed proposal and plan for In Their Names, a national organization with local support group programs for male caregivers. What he sought but did not find in services, programs and information for male caregivers five years ago, is now increasing around the United States.

Men as Caregivers Today

As the number of mature adults continues to increase, there is added need for male caregivers for their parents and other family members. To their gain, more information and support is available today than five years ago. With the new research about the large percentage of male caregivers, more programs and services are finally becoming reality.


Leonard J. Hansen is recognized at the pioneer journalist and author writing to, for and about mature adults, founding, publishing and editing Senior World newspapers. He is author of Life Begins at Fifty: A Handbook for Creative Retirement Planning.

 
 

Comments

 
  •  Comments 1 to 4 of 4 
 
 

dennis99gon

Give a Hug

Feb 8, 2009

help, what should i do? when my mother had a stroke in nov. of 2007 i was living
in miami bch. I gave up my job and moved in with my mother in texas, I'am her
primary care giver because none of my siblings would do it (three brothers and a
niece and nephew) they all live near her. now I've been taking care of mom for a
little bit over one year. all my siblings talk about chipping in money to pay for a caregiver or come by and help with cooking and bathing and all that stuff when she
was in the hospital. but they have done absolutely nothing. am i wrong to ask them
to pay me say 300.00 a mos? I ask for 50 a wk. but they wont. I love my mother,
she has always been there for me (bad or good) but I'am broke, no job and thinkin
about leaving. I have health issues myself. I'am so mad and disgusted with my
family, I'am stuck between a rock and a hard place and dont know what to do.
one of my brothers live here with mom and me but he don't do nothing but spend
the little savings my mother has. is it wrong to ask for access to her finances to
pay myself a little chump change for the things i might need? please help with
some feedback.

 
 

You are right all around, and unfortunately, you have way too much company with this issue. This is how it works. Tag! You are it! The rest of the family has no guilt, as Mom is being cared for. If they can take advantage of you, they will. You can't force them to pay, so they won't.

You are right to ask. I would tell them that if they can't help financially, and also help enough so you have time to deal with your own health issues, you are turning it over to Social Services. They will take over. Also, you may have to tell them you will let the courts decide her guardian, and they will determine everything about her money. That is the truth. They will. She likely qualifies for Medicaid.

Hopefully, you won't have to go through this. If you tell them this, and mean it, maybe they will anti-up. If not, go on your state web site, look for something on aging services, and call them. Tell them your situation and ask what programs are in place, locally, to help you. Each state is different.

Please keep letting us know how you are doing. It does help to talk it out.
Blessings,
Carol

 
 

msTish

Give a Hug

Feb 22, 2009

I think this a letter is to my husband,, for many months i did this alone, not sure if you ever realized how much i was losing myself, but lately, here you are my partner, my friend, helping in everyway you can,, i love and respect your helping me through this journey believing you are truly with me makes me know i can on. and i just want you to know ,, you are my EVERYTHING..

 
 

juanmarkos

Give a Hug

Oct 5, 2010

Hi Good Day!
Im John from Philippines, just browsing pages to find caregiver job and i came across this page. It rose my interest because i just completed my caregiver training here in Philippines and i am very optimistic about this job. I appreciate and inspired by Dan Zeorlin's story. and i believe that male caregivers are more effective than female because:

•Male caregivers could initiate and promote large motor activities necessary for child development than female caregivers;
•Male caregivers can deal well with elderly especially with Alzheimer and dementia patients than female caregivers;
•Male caregivers more often serve as a buddy or a friend to the child while female caregivers often serve as a teacher or supervisor and worst, a dictator;
•Male Caregivers can perform housekeeping tasks better than female caregivers especially at winter time;
•Female Caregivers have limitations in performing technical and physical duties compared to male caregivers especially in times of emergencies.
and here in Philippines there are more male known to be the best cook than female.
Male also, are more sensitive when it comes to clients need and more meticulous than female.

Although, there maybe another advantages in employing a female caregiver but researches would tell us that for practical reasons, better hire a male caregiver.

Have a Good Nice day everyone.

 
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