Talking to Parents About What Medical Treatments They Want
If you're selected as your parent's health care agent, try to get as much information as possible about his or her preferences for medical treatment.
In the absence of clear directions, medical personnel are legally required to undertake some fairly extreme measures that many people would prefer to forgo. If you're worried about how to broach the topic, consider the following suggestions.
Find opportunities to talk. One of the hardest parts is figuring out how to start the conversation. Find an example, such as a newspaper article about advance care directives, or the experience of a friend or relative. This can create opening for a conversation about medical wishes. Or try mentioning that you are considering an advance care directive for yourself.
Ask a doctor to help. Medical professionals, especially those who deal with older or seriously ill patients, are often well versed in discussing these matters with their patients. Ask for help and ask the doctor to raise the topic. Talking with their doctor openly and honestly about possible medical scenarios can help your elderly parents make decisions.
Don't Overlook A Crucial Step
Desires for healthcare and end-of-life care cannot be followed if they haven't been clearly communicated to key people. As a caregiver, check that the following steps are taken: Ask the parent to discuss their healthcare wishes with a doctor before writing the directive. If a directive has already been prepared, talk with the doctor to make sure the person's wishes are understood and can be followed.
- Provide all doctors caring for the patient with a copy of the advance directive. Keep a copy handy yourself.
- Make sure anyone named as agent in a health care proxy has a copy of that document and knows the goals for medical care.
- Explain the person's healthcare wishes to other family members.
- Realize that more than one discussion with doctors and family is warranted. Revisit the advance directive annually or whenever big changes occur in your loved one's health to be sure the document still reflects his or her needs.
When a person is admitted to a hospital, ask the doctor primarily responsible for the care of your family member to look at a copy of the directive and put it in the medical chart. Sometimes people ask the primary nurse caring for the person to do this. In some hospitals, however, this won't ensure that the doctors giving care will be aware of the directive.
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