Yet you know this nightmare is your new normal, at least for the present. And it's still Christmas. You must make a holiday for the kids and at least try to have a holiday for your parents. Somehow, you must carry on.
It's tough, but there is a balance and you need to find it. Your new normal will take some sacrifices from everyone in your family. You need to talk with your kids and your spouse. You need to talk with your parents even if they don't seem to hear you. You need to tell them all you love them and that you will do your best, but this holiday is going to be different from the past. It will be trimmed back.
Accept That the Holidays Have Changed
Your kids will understand if all of the cookies aren't made. Just make a few favorites. Focus on a few decorations that mean the most to your family. Include your kids in visits to the nursing home. If you can convince them to do something for their grandparents, that is even better.
Because I had so many elders to care for at once, I had several apartments and/or rooms to decorate at Christmas, so my house got less attention. Baking got whittled down to the favorites, as well. My own Christmas cards got short shrift.
Likely, you will find you must follow a similar pattern. You can't do everything the same as you did when the kids were young and your parents vital. Life has changed. This is your new reality. Accepting change – accepting your new reality - is your first step toward keeping your sanity.
The Holidays Will Go On
It may help to remember your parents and how they coped with the aging of their own parents. Remember when you were in grade school and Grandma had her heart attack? You weren't stunted for life because that Christmas your mom couldn't complete all the traditional duties for the family. You instinctively understood. Maybe this peek at real life even helped you grow.
Holidays are indeed work. When you add elder care to the mix, they can seem overwhelming. The only antidote that I know of to feeling overwhelmed is to determine what really matters to you and your family, and only do those things. Do as much for your parents as you can, but also let the professional staff at the care center help. Do as much as you can for your kids, but let them grow up a little by witnessing the cycle of life and the demands elder care places on you. Do as much as you can for yourself but letting everyone else give up a little. You may find the whole family is better of for it.
Elder care author, columnist and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack is an AgingCare.com contributing editor and moderator of the
AgingCare.com community
forum.
Read her full biography