Dunham adds that one of the biggest challenges for your elderly loved one and yourself is losing a family member. Loss often brings intense feelings of grief, loneliness and emptiness. Just as frustrating, you may feel guilty if you find yourself having a good time, even for a short period.
Innocent gestures may also cause your feelings of sorrow to intensify. For instance, receiving holiday cards addressed to the deceased person, by a well-meaning friend who doesn't know the circumstances, may bring up difficult emotions. On the other hand, it can also be stressful when people purposely don't mention your loved one's name for fear of hurting you.
To help you through those tough times, talk over how you would like to handle the situation with someone you trust. That person can let others know your wishes. If you want to do something to honor your loved one publicly, there are different ways you can pay tribute. Choose something that is right for you. Among them are:
- Placing the person's picture in a place of prominence
- Lighting a memorial candle
- Making a photo album of previous holidays to focus on positive memories
- Setting aside a time so that everyone who wants to can share a memory or a funny story about the deceased
- Toasting your loved one
- Going to church or synagogue
- Volunteering to help those in need
Remember that not everyone grieves in the same way. There is no accepted norm. You may cry at the drop of a hat, while someone else is more stoic. Some people may grieve for weeks and others for years. Understand that the holidays won't be the same as they used to be, but that the "new normal" can be fulfilling in a different way.