Be Responsive…with Limits
This doesn't mean you have to jump every time your parent calls. But also don't ignore your loved one when they express a need. Even if you have to explain that the request is not possible, or that you can't get to it right now, let them know that you heard them. If they think you are ignoring them, they will likely become angry, and then you have a new problem on your hands.
Be Present
With caregiving comes an endless list of tasks. With so much to do, you probably feel like there are not enough hours in the day to get it all done. But don't get caught in the trap of just trying to get it all done and working "around" your loved one. Take the time to notice what's in their eyes, their tone of voice, and what they are saying. Take a few minutes to spend time with them and try to enjoy their company. If your loved one senses that you're doing the job because you want to, they'll be more cooperative and more willing to work out the compromises.
Communicate with Touch
As we get caught up in the day-to-day tasks of caregiving, we sometimes forget to show affection. Too often, we only touch our parents when we're helping them get up, or dress. Everyone needs some human touch: A hug, holding a hand, or a simple pat on the arm. Attention and affection makes your parent feel like less of a burden. They'll feel more comfortable, less frightened and more important. If they know you really do care, maybe….just maybe… they'll think twice before spewing an ugly remark or throwing a tantrum.
Be Non-Judgmental
Getting old isn't easy to accept. As they age, your parent still has a strong desire to remain independent and in control of their own lives for as long as possible. In their place, wouldn't you feel the same way? Sometimes, their words or actions are based on frustration or fear of getting old and not being able to care for themselves anymore. When they need assistance getting up from a seated position, have trouble bathing, or have to give up the keys to the car, it's a dose of reality that the life they once knew is gone forever. Have tolerance, and practice non-judgment. Put yourself in their shoes.
Build Teamwork
Work together, not against each other. Being a caregiver requires teamwork between you and your loved one. Of course, it takes two, but the first step is to develop that "teamwork" attitude yourself. Then, you can work on getting your elder to take the same frame of mind. Everything is a little easier when you're working with someone, rather than against them. Doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals are part of the team as well. Working together streamlines time and effort and builds confidence.