Get Help to Stop the Stress of Caregiving

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  • Talking it out on a forum, in a support group or with friends is good.
  • Diet and exercise are good.
  • Get some sleep, even if you have to hire in-home help to be with your loved one. You can't function without a basic amount of sleep.
  • Diversion such as a movie, book or favorite TV show is good.

If these don't work you need to do more. 

  • Get a complete physical and be honest with your doctor about your feelings about your life.
  • Ask to be checked for infections such as a UTI or low grade sinus infection if you are dragged out.
  • Ask if the doctor thinks you should see a counselor.
  • Ask if an antidepressant is needed.

I know. I know. You are saying when will I do these things and how will I pay for them? That was my response to such suggestions. I laughed at the idea of finding time to go to a support group. This is where computers and forums like AgingCare are such a blessing. I didn't have that release during most of my active caregiving years.

I skipped mammograms and was lucky. A friend of mine skipped hers and when she finally got around to it, she found she was in stage II breast cancer. Amazing how she found time to take care of the disease then. And that took far more time than a yearly mammogram and the lumpectomy she likely could have had if the cancer had been caught earlier.

During my heavy duty caregiving years, I skipped physicals in general. Again, I was lucky, but I did develop rheumatoid arthritis (RA), an autoimmune disease. Autoimmune diseases are very common among caregivers. RA is in my family, so I may have developed it anyway. But I developed it at an odd time in my life. And yes, RA took - and takes - time to manage. Would I have gotten RA if I'd given myself more down time? There's no way to know. But more downtime wouldn't have hurt me, and quite frankly, it wouldn't have hurt my elders, either.

During those heavy years, I didn't exercise like I did when my kids were young. I ate junk food. I was too tired to care. None of this was good. My sister teases me that I now preach about what I didn't do. And she's right. I didn't take care of myself very well.

 
 

Comments

 
  •  Comments 1 to 10 of 17 
 
 

IsabelCares

Give a Hug

Jun 17, 2010

Funny that I am reading your article after enjoying a spell of looking at a gorgeous photo on my desktop of a former TWA (Trans World Airlines) stretch airplane. TWA was my favorite airline and preferred carrier in my frequent flyer days. It is now my preferred pc desktop photo.

On another matter, skipping mammograms? Nah. Not me? :-) I sure have! Thanks for the reminder.

 
 

anne123

Give a Hug

Jun 26, 2010

Carol, thank you for this excellent article. Tells it like it is....

 
 

kittycats39

Give a Hug

Jun 26, 2010

i been mostly keeping up with my doctor appointments but cant seem to get into see the doctor for a pap smear since its hard to when you are bleeding most of the time and they dont want to check you ,im going on a diet to loose some weight so hopefully i will feel better from my pain im feeling , i take care of my mom to ,husband ,and four children ages 11 months to 16 thats is a hard job for us caregivers epecially when we are sick our selves .mY MOM IS A VETERAN SO IM TRYING TO GET THE AID AND ATTENDEE SO I CAN TAKE ME A BREAK SO I CAN GO TO THE BEACH THATS MY OUT FOR ME TO RELAX.

 
 

IsabelCares

Give a Hug

Jun 26, 2010

kittycats37, hope you find the help your Mom needs. You have a lot on your plate. God bless you and grant you strength each day to do all you must accomplish.

 
 

anonymous14017

Give a Hug

Jun 26, 2010

Overwhelmed, Yep, That's the word. Now how do I deal with it? Don't know, don't know. Okay I'll take it step by step. Wait, How do I take a step again? Okay, gotta go see if she's still alive.

 
 

nopicnic

Give a Hug

Jun 26, 2010

I know how you feel. First step, go check on her, give her a smile and see if there is anything you can do for her. If all is AOK then try to do something that would make you happy. Most important, don't give up, keep going. Things change for the better all the time.

 
 

kathypv

Give a Hug

Jun 26, 2010

Very timely article. I just decided instead of fighting with my mom to go to church with us on Saturday nights I would go ahead and hire Comfort Keepers to cover the 3 additional hours a week. I've tried to be so careful spending my Mom's money and not have Comfort Keepers when I'm able to care for my Mom. But I'm realizing it's better to spend her money on her care than risk both of us losing our sanity! I did start seeing a counsellor a few weeks ago and she told me I need "me time" every day. I can't quite figure out how that can happen every day but I'm trying to do better. Have started to get back into walking on my treadmill and this week I actually got 3 workouts in! I have to get up earlier to make it happen so am not getting as much sleep but I think it's worth it. Thanks for sharing Carol.

 
 

sebring

Give a Hug

Jun 26, 2010

thats actually good advice, now all i have to do is take it..haha..stressed? yup.im handling better than i thought iwould, actually, but sometimes....arrgghh!!

 
 

patroli

Give a Hug

Jun 26, 2010

I have joined Sr. Circle thru our hospital and I make time to go to some event (like walking) at least once a month. I read after I get everyone settled at night and belong to a book club that meets once a month. I get help in for MOM from The Sr. Center in town so I can do these things and work like crazy while my grandchild is in school!

 
 

Nancy

Give a Hug

Jun 27, 2010

What if you are the daughter-in-law taking on full responsibility and the son (your husband) says to just "trust him" and to continue on doing EVERYTHING for the 90 & 95 year old in-laws. The phrase "burned out" doesn't even come close......

 
  •  Comments 1 to 10 of 17 

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