How to Get Power of Attorney Ready Before Aging Parents Get Sick

This is so tragic it makes me ill. Thanks for a good reminder.
Carol

My sister handled my parents affairs when they got older. After several years, she sold their home and moved them to another home with a higher morgage. The family wondered but no one suspected any wrong doing back then. Then my parents couldn't afford the payments and their house went into forclosure! My father seemed agitated and went to my husband and I for help. He wanted for us to contact a lawyer to find out where all his money went!!! This opened up wounds, because my sister told us she used it for her business but saved some money for them. I later found a bank statement dated way before my parents lost their home and they had at least $18,000.00 in the bank! I couldn't understand how this could be when they lost their home and they repossed their car. When my father passed away I also found out that there was no money to bury him, so we all had to ask family members to donate money in order to bury him as cheaply as possible. I was so mad, but my mother told me she didn't want us to punish my sister. Now my mother lives with me and I find out by accident that my sister is the power of attorney for my mother! I asked her where is my mothers checks going to. She told me she has a bank account that my mother saves and that she put my mothers money in a cd account so that my mother can't spend the money. I told her what if our mother passes away? She told me don't worry I am the power of attorney. Can I suggest a durable power of attorney and tell her to revoke the one she has? What happens if this fails. Do I have a right to demand my sister to split that money even though she was power of attorney. I need to know what my rights are. If seems like she is saving the money and earning interest and hoping that when my mother passes away it will be hers. I don't think it is fair since she dwindled money from my parents in the past and got away with it. Please advise me on what to do! Thank you Linda

Dear Linda, your story is almost as sad as the one above. I was wondering if you should seek the advice of a trustworthy Attorney? Or call Legal Services for Seniors (who can guide you). I don't think I'd let this slide "hoping for the best." Are there other family members who share your concerns, and can lend a hand in supporting you? I would keep copies of any statements you may have, and document conversations and suspicions. Be cautious of accusing your sister wrongfully, unless you have concrete evidence, but don't discount your instincts. Sounds like she wants to put you off, and keep things secretive. I might call her bluff, and put something in writing, stating your intentions. You may ask her for a full accounting, and gauge her reaction. If you suspect she is taking advantage of your parents (from the sounds of things you've written), this is considered "Elder Abuse," and is serious. Moms don't usually like to be confrontational, and some tend to overlook obvious "faults" in their children, because "it's their baby..." Your Mom may not want to "turn in her daughter," but who's looking out for Mom? I don't know what's worse; a stranger or a family member taking advantage of an elder. Please don't worry about spitting money with your sister, right now, but think of your poor mother! Be her hero, and find out what's really going on. We have a responsibility to protect the vulnerable.

I have been helping my grandmother off and on as much as I can, and can't keep up with her finances. Every week there is a threat of her electric or gas being turned off because of no payment. My grandmother has disowned all but one of her children and of which lives out of town and known to do drugs. I have asked my mom and aunt and uncle to step up and get a lawyer to put things in order, but nobody wants to upset grandma more than necessary or take over her finances. I have 5 kids and my husband has just had hip surgery, I can barely keep up on my own finances! What else can I do to help her but not be in charge of her?

If it's so bad that her gas gets shut off, and no family members will step up and "upset" her, then maybe you need third party backup through her county social services. She is in danger of not being cared for, and if she is upset, it's "those people" from social services who are checking on her, and not you or your mom alone. You have too much on your plate to take over this whole thing. It's so kind of you to care, but please get help. A welfare check on her can be arranged.
Carol

Thank you Carol. I don't want to feel as though I am abandoning her, but I can't seem to pull eveyone together and perhaps and outside help is what I need. Again thank you~ Amy

Would a differentiation between incapacitation and incompetence have produced another result? Also, during the conservatorship proceeding, I thought an independent physician would make a recommendation as to patient's well-being? Wouldn't this have pointed out Sharon's lack of oversight?

My Dad is 85 with Dimentia and his wife of 25 years is 70 with MS. She's in denial regarding my Dads condition and isn't honest regarding how often she leaves the house or how often he falls. I've confirmed with the local fire dept that they've responded to her calls of 911 often just to help him up (after he's been laying on the floor for hours). Yesterday, I drove to his house to explain to him he needed assistance. He finally agreed but will forget our discussion within the hour. She's still in denial. They can't afford much but own their home outright. I'm planning on visiting within the next couple days to talk about me having power of attorney over my Dad's medical and financial outcome. I'm not sure where to start..............

Ever heard of an intervention, where several loved ones and friends, who all have the person/s best interests at heart, go together, for a talk? It's designed to apply needed pressure, and show a concerted concern, hoping to elicit the right action, which is often necessary. It has to be people who have some emotional connection, respect, and leverage for it to work, and can include siblings, offspring, clergy, peers, neighbors, etc. ~Just a thought.

I have done all I can to invite my out of state mother to stay with me. She is 86 years old and should not be living alone. My untrustworthy brother has power of attorney and is the executer of her will and lives yet in another state. He tells her she will get better and not to move in with me. He tells her everything she wants to hear. My question is: Is it true that if she falls and has to go into the hospital and no one is there to make decisions for her that the state will take over her power of attorney and eventually all of her assets to pay for her extended care. I have heard of a court cases in Missouri where this has happened and the person with original power of attorney could not regain their status. The elderly person was left alone, neglected, and not able to take care of themselves. My thought is that if she comes to live with me that I be her power of attorney for her medical at least. What am I missing?