What can Caregivers Do if Elderly Parents Become Shopaholics?
You try to monitor their spending and they throw fits. They rightly tell you it's their money. When they accuse you of trying to keep them from spending money on themselves because "you just want to inherit more," you feel stung. All you are trying to do is protect them.
As with so many tricky areas with aging parents, sometimes a third party is best brought in. Even this approach can get you in trouble. However, if your parents' finances are off and they are spending money on things you know they would never have bought before, or if they are not paying necessary bills while they are throwing away money on TV offers or Internet shopping, there is a genuine problem. It's possible they may be in an early stage of dementia. If it's not dementia, it could be a form of rebellion against their losses, real or perceived, as mentioned above. Either way, it's a problem and you are stuck with trying to find a resolution.
Of course, if a doctor diagnoses dementia, you already have third-party proof that your parent needs some help. However, that doesn't necessarily stop the spending. No matter what the cause, a financial counselor may be able to tactfully help by explaining to your parents better ways of handling their money. Perhaps this person can entice the parent to save rather than spend by dangling a reward before them.
The key is this person, be it a financial professional, a friend, or a spiritual leader, is not the adult child. This person will not benefit from anything the parent doesn't spend, so the parents' suspicions in that area can be softened. Also, since elders understandably get sick of being told by their adult children how to handle their lives, a third party takes away this barb as well. There's a better chance the elder's may listen.
If worse comes to worse, and they are going down the tubes financially but refuse help from you or a competent third party, you may have to seek a court ordered conservatorship over their money. How far are you willing to take this? That is the real question. A lot is determined by the severity of the problem.
Elder care author, columnist and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack is an AgingCare.com contributing editor and moderator of the
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