I called my friend Kay recently to wish her a very happy 86th birthday—and to discretely check on the effectiveness of the dementia medication I encouraged her to take after she finally agreed to see a dementia specialist six months ago. After years of trying to persuade her, I was surprised when she finally consented, saying she was noticing that her memory was really slipping and it was scaring her.
During our hour-long conversation (testing) as we covered politics, religion and the meaning of life, I was delighted to hear Kay sounding much clearer than she'd been in quite a while—indicating the medication was indeed working. But then… suddenly she threw in a zinger. "Oh Jacqueline, I was so excited when we got your message on the answering machine yesterday that you are writing another book—is it a sequel to "Elder Rage"?
"Ummm, no Kay, I didn't leave a message."
"Yes, you most certainly did! You said you'd call today to wish me a happy birthday and that you'd tell me all about your new book."
Darn, and we were doing so well. I finally convinced her that she probably just had a vivid dream as I always call on her birthday, but she started to cry that she feared she was losing her mind. I felt terrible, as maybe I should have just agreed, but then I'd have to lie about writing a new book. I didn't want to make things worse by telling her she was having delusional thinking (false beliefs which occur with dementia), so I just made light of how our minds can play tricks on us.
Then she whispered that she was also having episodes of déjà vu. "Jacqueline, my family takes me out to places like a new restaurant, and I just feel so strongly that I have already been there, even though they assure me that I haven't. Do you think that déjà vu is part of this dementia thing I have too?"
"Ohhh, maybe, but I wouldn't worry about déjà vu and vivid dreams—those types of things start to happen to most of us as we get a little older. Just remember to rely on what your family tells you as the truth—and then just laugh about it with them and enjoy what you are doing, okay?"
I rushed to the computer to research dementia, dreams and déjà vu and found that since dreams are stored in our long-term memory, if a person with dementia and short-term memory loss sees something that reminds them of something from a dream, they can think they have experienced it in real life and have that eerie feeling of déjà vu.
I also contacted Dr. Rodman Shankle, MS, MD, a highly respected neurologist specializing in dementia who contributed an extensive addendum to "Elder Rage". He explained it this way:
"With regard to déjà vu: What happens is that as the short-term and long-term memories start to disappear, the memories that remain are perceived as the patient's current reality. So, say you are 75 years old, but demented to the point where you think it is 1959—you would perceive yourself to be only 25 years old. And even though your brother would also be in his seventies, he would appear more like your father to you, since you'd believe that you and your brother are only in your twenties. This is why as dementia progresses, patients often begin to perceive their own children as their parents."