And this is where I went wrong. There was a male CNA on the floor who worked nights. Dad started talking about how rough the person was when he cared for dad at night. We knew by then that Dad hallucinated and went in and out of paranoia. So, we were quite careful about taking everything he complained about too seriously. Still, nothing he said was ever taken lightly. We always were aware that he could be right.
I began talking with members of other families who had loved ones on the same floor, and we kind of developed the "mob" mentality. Generally, I'm pretty mild mannered, but when it comes to protecting vulnerable people, I'm a tiger. And this was my extremely vulnerable dad.
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When other people began agreeing with me that this CNA was too rough and that he maybe frightened some of the people, we agreed to write a letter to the administrator with all of us signing it. We felt that was the right thing to do.
That is something I still regret. I don't regret my vigilance. I do regret not going through proper channels. As it worked out, this man became one of the best aides in the home, and I can't tell you what his care for my mother meant to me after Dad died and I had to handle all of the logistics, plus the emotions, and my mother's upset. He was a gift from God. And yes, he knew I was one of the people who signed that letter years before.
But I will back up a bit. The administrator answered the letter kindly and talked with us all. He told us that the man had been warned to be more careful, and he was temporarily moved to a different floor. But the administrator did say he wished we'd talked with him before we wrote the letter. Because of the way we handled it, the complaint had to be reported to the state and everything was much more serious for this very good home – and for a man who, it turned out, was a very good caregiver – than it needed to be.
We, the families, certainly meant well. We wanted the best care for our loved ones and we didn't want to take a chance if there was any abuse. But we overreacted. One thing I've since learned is this: we families want, in our hearts, one-on-one care for our loved ones. We want their call light to be the first answered. We want every need met. And we, the loving families, are very unrealistic. Unless we have the funds for a private nurse 24 hours a day, our loved ones will not get number one priority all the time. These CNAs and nurses have many people to care for, and sometimes, well, Mom may have to wait. That is life.