Mental and Emotional Needs
Complete end-of-life care also includes helping the dying person manage any mental and emotional distress. Someone nearing the end of life who is alert might understandably feel depressed or anxious. Encouraging conversations about feelings might be beneficial. You might want to contact a counselor, possibly one familiar with end-of-life issues. If the depression or anxiety is severe, medicine might provide relief.
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A dying person might also have some specific fears and concerns. He or she may fear the unknown or worry about those left behind. Some people are afraid of being alone at the very end. This feeling can be made worse by the understandable reactions of family, friends, and even the medical team. For example, when family and friends do not know how to help or what to say, sometimes they stop visiting. Or, someone who is already beginning to grieve may withdraw. Doctors may become discouraged because they can't cure their patient and feel helpless. Some seem to avoid a dying patient. This can add to a dying person's sense of isolation. If this appears to be happening, try to discuss your concerns with the family, friends, or the doctor.
The simple act of physical contact—holding hands, a touch, or a gentle massage—can make a person feel connected to those he or she loves. It can be very soothing. Warm your hands by rubbing them together or running them under warm water.
Try to set the kind of mood that is most comforting for the dying person. What has he or she always enjoyed? For example, Bill loved a party, so it was natural for him to want to be surrounded by family and friends when he was dying. Ellen always preferred spending quiet moments with one or two people at a time, so she was most comfortable with just a few visitors. Some experts suggest that when death is very near, music at low volume and soft lighting are soothing. In fact, near the end of life, music therapy might improve mood, help with relaxation, and lessen pain. Listening to music might also evoke memories those present can share. For some people, keeping distracting noises like televisions and radios to a minimum is important.