Counseling Options and Opportunities For Caregivers

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Ignoring feelings of grief, frustration or anger when dealing with home care situations will not help either the caregiver or the care receiver. Understanding that a wide range of human emotions regarding short or long-term care scenarios are normal goes a long way toward relieving such emotions in those dealing with them.

The National Institute of Mental Health suggests that caregivers try to find someone they can talk to or confide in. In this way, more than one pair of shoulders can share the emotional burden of care, regardless of scenario. In addition, if a caregiver experiences changes in eating or sleeping habits, or loses interest in aspects of life or activities they used to take pleasure in, seek help. Don't wait, expecting that things will change in a few days. Often times, days have a way of turning into weeks, and then months.

"It's important to set limits," says Donna Benton, a geropsychologist at the University of Southern California. "Caregivers often do not set boundaries." Saying no to ever-growing requests and expectations is one of the best things that a stressed out caregiver can do – for themselves and their families. A caregiver needs to be able to express their needs and be very specific." Everyone needs a break once in a while. This is nothing to feel inadequate or guilty about.

Don't expect to be able to do everything. Setting realistic goals and breaking large tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks often helps to relieve the stress of trying to get everything done in a short period of time. Various coping strategies are suggested for all caregivers, especially those caring for victims suffering from various stages of Alzheimer's.

  • Learn to say "no"
  • Try to maintain a sense of humor
  • Realize limitations to physical and emotional endurance
  • Take care of your health

If you decide that talking with a professional is the way to go, you can check with your health insurance company for a list of providers that are covered under your plan. In addition, check with your Area Agency on Aging (it's listed in your local phone book) to see if there are resources they recommend.

Discussing the emotional as well as physical challenges of providing quality care for your loved one with friends, family members, family counselors or religious figures is vital to long-term health, emotional stability and peace of mind. While a caregiver is focused on providing loving care for a parent, a spouse, or other member of the family, don't forget to take care of yourself in the process.


Denise Clark has written about health and medical issues, including caring for seniors. She has experience as a certified nursing assistant who has worked a long-term care facility for geriatric residents.

 
 

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195Austin

Give a Hug

Sep 2, 2008

I did not even realize how angery I was until my therpisist pointed it out and it did take a long time to learn how to cope with my problems but when she told me no one was going to recuse me which I was waiting for- I had to rescue myself which I did even though I was angery with her for telling me that- now that I have I really feel good about myself and everyone tells me how good I look and for the first time ever I am happy and content- the problems are still there but now I feel I can deal with them and still have a life besides being a caregiver,

 
 

anne123

Give a Hug

Jun 5, 2010

This article recommends finding someone we caregivers can talk to openly about our challenges with caring for our elders. I have found that it is more helpful for me to express myself on this forum than with friends. That's why I feel that agingcare.com is such a necessary and productive resource.

 
 

I appreciate the advice and understanding I receive from this program. My mother is 97 years old with dementia. She is becoming more and more beligerent and helpless at the same time. I know I need to get out more if not for my sake for my husband's sake. He helps me so much and puts up with her behavior. I can afford to get away but I am always afraid a cargiver will abuse her while I am away any length of time. How do you overcome this feeling. I feel that I am now seriously endangering my mental and physical health.

 
 

JamesJHC

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Jun 5, 2010

I feel like I am about to go crazy!!!! My mother was diagnosed with Dementia two years ago. I try going to school and work, plus make sure she is taken care of. She is a very needy person and had every medical problem she sees on tv. Sometimes I'm not sure if the problems are real or just a way to get attention. I don't have family close by, so this leaves me to try and handle everything. She lives with me, and gets very angry if I don't spend every minute with her. I keep taking her to the doctor and they say that nothing is wrong with her. What do I do now?

 
 

spiralli

Give a Hug

Jun 5, 2010

Oh I totally get the hypochandriac mother thing! Mine is exactly the same, its really hard, I feel for you SO much.

I need to see a therapist but my insurance does not cover it. Do any of you have any suggestions? I need someone who is aquainted with Dementia care giving. Help Please and Thank you!

 
 

chatykat58

Give a Hug

Jun 5, 2010

My mom has dementia and lives in an assisted living apt.
I see her everyday usually in the latter part of the day.

She eats dinner with us every night, she refuses to eat at the facility she lives in. She says she doesn't like the food.

She is very demanding and pouts/ gives me the silent treatment when I don't see her everyday.

She'll tell me..."you're the one who put me here, I can't leave unless you take me somewhere" Even though theres a bus that will take her on scenic trips, store, dr appt, etc.

I feel myself getting angry when I "have" to go pick her up.
I would like some time with just my husband and 17 yr old son

Part of me says, what's the big deal if she eats dinner with us every night...the other part say's it would be nice to have an adult conversation with my husband without interruptions.

I decided to attend a support group this past week, it was pretty informative and helpful...I was told that I "need" to take at least a couple of days away from my mom. So, I'm going to take the suggestion.

 
 

SCdaughter07

Give a Hug

Jun 7, 2010

Mine issue is my Dad; he had a stroke scare and called me to say he was finally ready to move closer to me so I could be there for him and my mom as they got older. So I rearrange my whole life and since he's been here he's done nothing but complain and shut himself off from the rest of the world. He's even told people that I moved him hear against his will when he was still under medication. Once he moved here all he wanted to do was move back home; I told him I would move him back home once he showed me was capable of taking care of himself and my mom (who's blind). He's not done anything but complain and drive my mom and me crazy. Our days consist of "how dad" what's he complaining about today?? It's exhausting and it keeps getting worse and worse.
This past winter he came down with a bad case of vertigo and I've been doing nothing but run him to every kind of doctor imaginable to try and get him to feel better. But I'm starting to think that no matter what I do he'll just keep having something wrong with him. My mom is suffering just as much as me but I told her that running after him and babying him is only adding to the drama. It's pretty sad that I keep hoping they find something wrong with that will justify his behavior but so far they haven't found anything wrong. I really don't know what to do....

 
 

anne123

Give a Hug

Jun 7, 2010

I feel for everybody on this thread ( and those of you reading who are in similar "boats"). Besides coming to this website, I found that counseling with a trained therapist/counselor has helped me immensely. Someone here asked how to find a counselor if you can't afford one.....You could try contacting your local churches. Many churches have Stephen Ministers, or lay counselors from the congregation, who are kind, empathetic, and well-equipped to listen to you and help you sort out your situation.

You could also try contacting Christian-based counseling services, or actually any professional counseling services, and see if they use a "sliding scale" for fees that are charged. Affordable counseling for everyone is now available in many areas.

 
 

lach61

Give a Hug

Jun 7, 2010

First thing in the morning, I would get the TV on for the news and since I was downstairs taking care of getting my MIL ready for the day, it would linger into the next program. Usually, the Doctors and Dr. Oz. Her hearing is very good, but I thought she would focus on what she was doing, not listening to the TV. She was worried about what they were saying and would say, "I think I need to go to the dr." She'd say this day in and day out, so finally I either turned down the volume or turned off the TV until I was done. ...and I tried not to have any Dr. programs on for awhile.

If there was something I really wanted to catch on the Doctors or Dr. Oz, I would lock the gate and go upstairs to catch it. ...and then go back downstairs.

 
 

castoff

Give a Hug

Jun 8, 2010

lach61,
Thanks for the tip on the TV being suggestive. When the record gets stuck their minds will latch onto whatever swings their way and not let it go.
SCdaughter07,
Sounds like your dad may be one of those "trying to please the parent that can't be pleased" problems. I cut back on the amount of my trying to please my mom and it seems to have helped. If they think they can make you jump, sometimes it amuses them. Old folks can be cold, selfish, manipulative and border on evil. It's a control thing. Try not to take the bait and guard your heart with all dilligence.

 
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