Coping with Loss of a Loved One

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As the "baby boomers" age, many of us are facing a time in our lives when the welfare of our parents has now become our responsibility. Walking with a parent to the doorway of death can be an amazing experience, even considered a privilege. If your parent is able to communicate with you, take this time to talk about their life or to reminisce about your joyful childhood memories. Tell them you love them, even if you are typically uncomfortable expressing your emotions verbally now is the time to try. This may become a treasured moment that can bring both of you great comfort in the future.  The dying loved one needs to have the opportunity to express their thoughts as well. This is part of their closure with life and their relationships.

If their life journey is coming to an end, it is the family's responsibility to is give them permission to cross over, ending their struggle with life and returning to the loving arms of God.

If your relationship with your parents was perfect, treasure it. All too often our relationship with our parents holds unresolved and painful memories. If a parent dies and a healing has not occurred, you, as an adult child, may experience a sense of abandonment. This may be accompanied by anger that things were not as you desired in your relationship. Understanding where these emotions are coming from can assist you in working through them. The most important key to healing is love and forgiveness. Accept that your parents did the best they could at the time. Find forgiveness for your parent as well as for yourself for any negativity you contributed to the relationship. Holding on to any negative emotions as your loved one is preparing to pass over only contributes to the struggles within your own life. This is a time to open your heart and begin the healing process through love, forgiveness and compassion.

If your loved one is taken from you suddenly, do not feel that you have lost your opportunity to say goodbye. Many of us talk to God or Spirit even though we cannot see him. God/Spirit gives us feelings of comfort, messages of joy and signs that he is present within our lives. Your loved ones in spirit do the same thing. Talk to them and allow yourself to feel the love they have for you. No matter what your relationship was prior to their passing, they return to you in spirit body with unconditional love and are focused on helping you fulfill your life purpose.

 
 

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  •  Comments 1 to 10 of 18 
 
 

195Austin

Give a Hug

Oct 17, 2009

I think everyone grives differently- I lost my husband almost 4 months ago and most people think I am doing well because when they ask me how I am doing I say ok but am overwhelmed with all the details of dealing with the paperwork that comes up but it is important for me to be independent-and I do have a strong church family and also being his caregiver for so many years was very hard but I am sure others think I should be more upset but I am dealing with it as I need to and do not become concerned how others think I should feel or act.

 
 

SecretSister

Give a Hug

Oct 17, 2009

Austin, good to hear you are doing what you need to take care of you. Hope your stress level has changed, from dealing with the caregiving, to taking care of yourself. Lots to do, but now you can do it all for you. That has to be an adjustment for you, no doubt. Hope the details get easier for you as you become accustomed to everything, solo. We can't please everyone, and not everyone will understand. Glad to hear you have a good support system in place. Take care!

 
 

NAUSEATED

Give a Hug

Oct 20, 2009

This article is beautiful!! Thank you, this was helpful to me. Having lost my Dad just less than three months ago, this article brought tears to my eyes. I feel more normal now, feeling exactly what Linda Drake has written about. Even though losing my Dad was traumatic and horribly sad for me, I feel priviledged to have been the one chosen by him, to be by his side, and to be the one to hear the very last beat of his heart. And just recently have opened myself up, and received a spiritual sign that he has crossed over, and is happy. Even so, I cry still everyday, because I miss him so very much.

 
 

anonymous5546

Give a Hug

Oct 20, 2009

Hi Austin and Naus. so good to see you both post. Austin you are doing just what you are supposed to be doing. For years after I lost my son I thought I had to do well for others and it took me a long time to start dealing with my feelings my how I have grown, its 27 years and I still cry and do a lot of what ifs but I think that is the nature of our grief, I do know he is in a better place and just happened to acheive getting to that higher relm before the rest of us. God Bless you.

Naus. You are so sweet, I feel the same about my Dad he passed almost 3 years ago but I am so thankful it was my hand he was holding and my tears he felt and my eyes he looked into when he took his last breathe. I still cry about him and girls you do know you can cry without shedding tears, its the love in your heart and the hole that is there when they leave . But it will be okay I know both my son and my Dad would still want me to be happy.

And... I am still taking care of mother and that is quite another story.

Take care and have a blessed day!

 
 

NAUSEATED

Give a Hug

Oct 20, 2009

Thank you Neon, you are so thoughtful. I hope all is going well with you, and Mom. I know you have so much to deal with too, and all of the other lovely caregivers on this site. Even though I have been away much of the time, you are all still in my heart and prayers, and I think of you all often. I have just been busy, taking care of business and family, so many "have to do's" and not enough "want to do's". Love and hugs to you all. :)

 
 

anonymous5546

Give a Hug

Oct 21, 2009

well naus like I tell my son the needs have to come before the wants you take care i am enjoying my birthday haven't been at but 20 min and already so many thoughtful gifts nd wished I am truly blessed. Have a good day and geturdun

 
 

SecretSister

Give a Hug

Oct 21, 2009

Dear Neon, happy birthday to you! May God bless you!

 
 

anonymous5546

Give a Hug

Oct 21, 2009

Thank you kind sister

 
 

NAUSEATED

Give a Hug

Oct 21, 2009

You sweetie pie! Happy Birthday to you! You enjoy your day, and take care, and don't sweat the small stuff. :)

 
 

smlync

Give a Hug

Nov 3, 2009

i lost my son to colon cancer one year ago i to got the privege to hold his hand to his last breath. i get by with the help of my faith but i am not as tough as everyone thinks sometimes the pain i have in my heart seems it will never go away i miss him more than ever just wish i knew he was okay?

 
  •  Comments 1 to 10 of 18 

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