Both my parents have dementia. Should I quit my job to care for them?

Read as much as you can about this disease. Find out what you are in for. This taking care of people with AD isn't for everyone.

You have to let it be known to them that you are going to be taking care of them and they are not to make it a hard job. That you are doing what is best for them and if they make things hard for you, they will have to go to a home. I had to do this with my husband. I said if you fight me then I can't take care of you. They need to know you are not kidding.

I don't know what stages your parents are in but it doesn't get better. They will become like children. My husband has AD. He is at the stage where he gets into everything. He has a thing with toilet tissue, paper towels. I find them everywhere. He complains about every little pain he has. Needs me to check it out like his mother did. He has to be watched and never left alone. This morning he got up so early and I refused to get up that early. The doors are locked so he can't get out. That is something you have to do is put locks on all of the doors. A key lock. Now he pees anywhere he wants to. This morning he did it in the trash bag in the kitchen. I am going to have to put a door on the kitchen now with a lock. He was at the stove trying to turn the burner on. So this has to be done very soon.

I hope your parents don't get to this stage. They can live a long time with this and you will have to make up your mind if you can do it for years. They can live up to 8 years unless something else takes them. I have heard longer if they are younger.

You have to be a strong person to do this kind of work. I love my husband and I have to do this as long as I can. What I have told you about my husband is just a small amout of what I have to put up with. I am sure others can tell you more. Two people with this disease - sorry but I couldn't do it. You are in for a very bad time. Think it over.

Great resources for locating support groups for you can be the Alzheimer's Association, and the National Family Caregiver Alliance. You can find both online. Reach out. You are one of millions of people in our country with the responsibility of caring for aging parents with dementia. There is a lot of support available, and using it can help you get through this journey day to day. Our thoughts are with you.
Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, RN, BSN, Attorney

I don't know what level they have declined to, but I hope you have or soon will get both durable and medical POA for both of them.

I believe that keeping your job will empower you to have another focus and outlet in life that will actually be better for both you and for them. Otherwise, you might very well end up drowning in their own decline as things get more intense.

If they are still competent enough, I encourage you to get the ball rolling on Monday to get POA! It's a fine line to walk but you must take care of yourself as you make sure they are taken care of. Keeping your job, in my opinion, is one way of taking care of yourself.

Good avice from Deanna. You also may want to read the article:
http://www.agingcare.com/136770

You'll know you aren't alone.
Carol

My husband's sister has recently been diagnosed with dementia. She has severe symptoms, yet the doctors can't seem to agree that she is "incompetent". She wants to go home from the hospital and they are going to release her soon. They seem to think she can have home health care and get by. She lives alone and has fallen, burned food, forgets to eat, can't balance her ck book, and is paranoid and mistrusting of everyone. My husband has power of attorney, but we are at a loss as to what to do at this point. Why is it so hard to get the Dr's to admit her incapacity?

Like you both my parents have alzheimers. Fortunately, they had long term care insurance which has really helped with the costs. I have them at home and they are both in hospital beds now. I have had caregivers with them for the past 5 years and now have to have 2 at the time due to having to turn them every two hours, keep them hydrated (dehydration is a big problem) as well as UTIs. DO NOT quit your job unless absolutely necessary. You will lose you rmind. It is hard enough with the 10 hour break daily. Also make sure you get the POA, MPOA, and DNRs signed asap. You may also want to make funeral arrangements while they can help make the decisions.

Keep your job. Or if you can, do it part-time so that you can tend to their appointments and such without taking off from work. Your job will be a much needed break from the constant thinking, planning and caring for your parents. People who haven't lived with someone with dementia think you're just sitting around watching and feeding them. Well, yeah, but you're also following them around every room of the house, locking doors and cabinets, hiding things from them, waking up in the middle of the night to check on them, calm them, etc. --maybe you'll get some decent sleep, repeating conversations if you're having any at all, entertaining them, tending to their personal hygiene, cooking, cleaning up behind them, endless medical appointments and or home health visits. Multiply this times two for 2 people. Notice I haven't mentioned anything about your care and interests.
And for those who try to guilt you into taking care of them, tell them to schedule a 24-hour shift when they can come and watch them. They'll change their minds after about 2 hours. It ain't for the faint of heart.
Everybody here has given you good advice. I hope you find a plan that works for you.

I am doing both - I am working for our company and still taking care of my husband. I have my office at home so I work at home. Our son-in-law brings the work to me. But not everyone can do that. It is important that you keep your job because you need time away from home. Also need time away from both.

Ironically I may be in the same situation soon. My mom is in an ALF and I work part-time from home. I do see at some point, possibly moving her from the ALF to our home (she lived with us a few years ago before she went to the ALF). I know that then I will have to quit or get a leave of absence. But I'm putting that off for as long as possible.

I also wanted to say something about their funeral. You can do it without their help. Make it as easy as possible. Simple and quick. I have set it up for my husband or me, who ever goes first. One day - visiting and furneral in the same day. A lot of people are doing this now because of the cost.