My years of caregiving have left me depressed and broke. How do I get my life back?

As a young lady, 21 I lived with my grandparents and cared for my Grandfather... I do understand how you feel. I would encourage you to get some help as Carol said. Join a support group for caregivers and get some home health care. A nurse and even a home care aide for help and support. If you are having financial problems check into what is available where you are. For example we have elderly waiver in Iowa. Check with your local area Agency on Aging.. What you are doing for your Mom is admirable, and I am sure she is grateful. However you do need to take care of you too... take care, J

I just want you to know that I know exactly how you feel, I came across this page looking for someone with my problems and I found you. I am almost 25 years old and have been taking care of my mom with my dad (who doesnt really care) since I was about 16. I have been drowning since then. I graduated from college but have no motivation to do anything but stay home and make sure my mom is ok. Im scared to get a real job and not be around. I go to sleep every night not knowing if that night will be my last with my mom. She is sick all the time, the diabetes has forced her to amputate her leg, she cant walk much even with a prosthesis. There comes a point where you just want to end ur life because u cant take the pain of watching someone u love suffer day in and day out. THe only reason i dont end my life is because i know it would break her heart. I have has aspirations to move out, get on with my life, that all just seems so pointless now. I feel like im 50 as well, just living to do the same things every day. I also feel like some people can see me dying inside but no one can help me. Anyway I just wanted to let you know ur not alone, i hope things work out for u.

I just want to say sorry for your pain. It is very sad and frustrating what you are going through. I'm not certain if it will make you feel better, but what you are describing is what most of us go through. Our situations are different, but the feelings are not. Checking with a therapist can be a lifesaver, and consider asking for an evaluation and medication from a psychiatrist to get you over the shock to your system - this is not all in your head. The physical symptoms are real and will drag you down.

The good news, although you may not see it that way is that you have a long life ahead of you so just take it a day at a time. If you are holding off on some dreams, it doesn't mean you can't pursue them a bit later. Just make certain that you get the help to bring your outlook and mood back to a more even keel. As far as finances go, don't let the big picture make you freeze up.

Imagine a box. Put all of your problems in it. Resolve to take one out to deal with at a time. (OK, sounds easier than doing it, but it will help restore your sanity). First get better & get some sleep. Second, deal with the immediate problems. Third, don't compare yourself or dwell on the people who are not there to support you. They lose by not being there for you - just focus on the good and the right people will help you find your way.

The most important thing to do is don't dwell on negative things when you are that down, pull yourself out of it, and later when you feel more in control, you can deal with those emotions.

Take care, people who are in their 40's and 50's feel the same, you are not alone.

I am in very similar situation. My mom has been battling blood cancer for over 10 years now. I am now 24 so imagine how long it's been. All throughout junior high, high school, college and now graduate school. When I went away to college, I would get phone calls from hospitals all the time asking me to come ASAP to see my mom. My mother spends no less than 5 months in the hospital every year. She's celibate and I'm her only child. Sometimes I wonder what my mother has done to suffer like this and it kills me so much that there is nothing I can do about it. She's always sick and it is a miracle that she is still alive. But what is the point of living if you are in pain for most of the year ? She's also very religious and has a lot of faith. However, I am starting to have doubts over the existence of a God because I don't understand why he would let my mom suffer for so long. Unlike some of you who live with your mother, I choose not to for the simple reason that I am in graduate school and I will not be able to focus if I lived with her. I do visit from time to time and come home when I'm on vacation. But I hate coming home now because whenever I do, she's always sick and ends up going to the hospital. I get very depressed and angry. Not at her but at life. If God is indeed real, all I ask from him is to heal my mother. I don't care about being rich or famous or whatever. I just want to see my mother to be healthy again. Is that too much to ask ?

Dear depressed caregiver...
PLEASE call the Area Agency o Aging, to find some help!
You are not alone, there are agencies and people who CAN help!
I do know it can feel as if no one is there to help, until one finds them.
The people who seem to "bag-out" on you, are the wrong ones to be helping.
You need help with your Mom, and help with your depression.
You are young, and have so much to live for, to contribute to the world, that you have not even begun to realize yet, due to being so overwhelmed right now.
Your Mom needs to be in a facility that can help her optimally; you alone, cannot do that, no matter how much you lover your Mom.
No one can be miserable enough, or go deeply into anyone else's pit, to help them; the best way to reach someone to help, is to reach in and offer a hand-up.
Kinda like you have to have your life jacket on first, in order to help anyone else.
It sounds like your life jacket got shredded!
Contacting various agencies, like Area Agency on Aging, or the Social Worker at DSHS, or asking whatever local Home Care organizatins are near you, someone among those can point you in a better direction.
That alone, can help you feel a better sense of Hope.
Then start seeking some help for yourself, to counseling; maybe even ask around for a counselor who can do a process called EMDR, or EMT, to help you off-load heavy emotions, to help handle them better.
None of us can make our sick elders get well.
We can pray for it, we can help steer them to proper medical care.
We can set good examples for others to follow.
Healing or continued sickness is up to the individual person and our Creator, ultimately; whatever reasons, we are not privy to.
By Grace, we might understand there are many things in our world we cannot understand, yet, there might be a purpose for it beyond our ability to understand.
Please find counseling to help sort things out, and help yourself get better!
Everything happens for a purpose, no matter what--we just do not get to understand the why for everything. And I know that no matter how bad something appears to be in the moment, good eventually comes from it.
THAT has taken several decades to learn, and I am still learning it.
{{{hugs!}}}
Hold onto filling your heart with Love, because that will displace fear and anger.
Keep looking for help--persist!

Hello unfortuanately we all feel the same things when this type of stuff happens. If you are looking to feel better, than even making a plan to take care of your bills will help. First you really need to get your mom some home help. Medicare helped my my mom so someone can come out 4 or 5 times a week to help her with house chores, laundry, grocery shopping, etc, and they will take her to her doctor appointments if she needs it. Its for 3 hours a day, five days a week. You can use that time for yourself or get a second job if you feel you need to. A second job could be fun and you could meet some new people, plus you would have a little extra cash on hand. A second job will definitely get you out of the house and make you feel more in control of the situation. Second, rent and utilities are one thing but when I made a plan to attack my bills, like my tuition and credit card bill, I felt better for it. I was told to start with the small bills. I owe on two credit lines so I made payments on the small one first. When that one was paid off last December, I started on the next lowest one. I was able to pay a little more since I had finished paying the other one. Either way I was happier with that small load off my back. and lastly, I bought my mom some exercise DVDs for the elderly. My mom can't walk unassisted but they have some for chair bound people. I found them on the internet and she seems to like them enough to try them. It would be good for you too and if you use weights to do the same moves then you can get your work out too. I tried to make it be fun time with my mom and me instead of always being angry. I know it might not sound like much but I felt better when all this was in motion. I felt a sense of accomplishment and therefore I was in a better mind set. Good Luck. Don't give up :)

None of the people here mentioned how old their mothers are, but judging by some of the ages of those posting, I suspect some of the invalid mothers are not very old. Is there a minimum age a person has to be to qualify for assistance from agencies on aging? Does having poor health qualify one earlier than the chronological age normally would?

Area Agency on Aging covers a broad-spectrum of ages. USUALLY over 60.
But I knew of a young mother [about age 30] with learning difficulties, who's complex case fell under the Area Agency on Aging--which baffled me, but there it was!

Thank you for this discussion and Chimonger's post. It is nice to be able to relate to each other and know that I am not losing it and there is positive that can come out of this situation. Sometimes it is just hard to keep that in mind when we are on our own and other people that cannot relate are clueless and bring us down. This jerk just cancelled a contract that was my first medical transcription job since graduating from college and now my low self esteem from that experience is making it difficult to have motivation to look for other work.

i know how you feel i felt so alone and depressed after my father passed ut i had my children and my husband to lift my spirits it was hard to go out and do things cause for 6 yrs i took care of my father with NO HELP from my siling the only help i got from them when they wanted to borrow money from my dad and then they would help for alittle bit..then after awhile i didnt hear from them for along time..so it was hard to get back into life after my father passing