Can caregivers crack under the pressure of caring for an elder?

My mom started having problems in 2007. She was diagnosed with Parkinsons and suffers from anxiety and depression. Her dementia has been getting worse for the last couple of years. She owns a 4 family house and I have been living in one of the appartments for 56 of my 58 years. I have 6 siblings who all live close by except for my oldest sister who is in Virginia.
I had to leave my job in May of 2008 to take care of Mom full time. I get very little help from the rest of the family, they all have lives to live, or so they say. I found a wonderful friend who was let go from a nursing home due to budget cuts. She is a CNA and I pay her under the table to come in 3 times a week to help me out. I also take her to daycare from 9 to 3 three days a week. It's only 30 hours a week out of 24/7, but anything is a help.
You are not alone in what you are doing, but there are people out there that will help you. Check with your local churches, senior centers, etc. You may be able to find volunteers to sit with your mom to give you a break. Believe me when I say all of us caregivers lose it at some point, and we need to find time for ourselves. Otherwise we aren't any good to anyone. Good luck and find yourself some help.

I have been caring for my Mother who has Parkinson's with dementia for over 4 years now and I learned the hard way that you have to take care of yourself first. I am 46, I had to leave my job to care for mom fulltime after a nasty fall 20 months ago. Earlier this year I suffered a heart attack as a result of a cardiac infection following a 3 month bout with bronchitis. If I would have put my needs first and agreed to my doctor's recommended treatment chances are I wouldn't have ended up in the hospital. Thankfully I've made a full recovery and sought counseling to deal with my ever-changing feelings about taking care of Mom. Hang in there and ask for help - you'd be amazed at how much others are willing to help when you simply ask!

My wife is in stage 6 of alzheimers and fortunately we have a "Total Life Center" adult day care to take her up to 5 days / week. Very helpful and is non profit, so reasonable, ~41-45 per day. Often it is friends and volunteers who are more helpful than family members.

Bonny Matthews White
I am asking for prayers for my son, Landon. He had a full seizure last night and we ended up in the ER. We have an appt. with a neurologist tomorrow and may be in for some painful tests. I ask that you keep him in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow. My heart hurts that I am helpless to make him all better, but I know that he is in Gods hands.14 hours ago

gamatthews, I will surely keep you and your son in my prayers. I can only imagine the fear you are going through. I too have a son, an only child, and I don't know if I could bear it if anything happened to him! Stay strong and trust in our creator!

I am a nurse and my mom has progressive Alzheimers. I am a multi-tasker. I am able to work from home which means that I am on duty with my mom 24/7.I realize that it is difficult when things come full circle and suddenly it seems that you become the parent. You also become the person that becomes responsible for everything. I am truly overwhelmed and find myself feeling stressed, overwhelmed and often resentful. The stress has even landed me in the hospital with elevated blood pressure and chest pain. I am an only child and don't have the family support that I would love to have. My extended family lives in another state and her siblings are in denial. I think that is because if they acknowledge her condition, I believe they will feel that they will be expected help out. By not believing that their sister, aunt, cousin is ill, there is a belief that there is no problem and therefore,no need to even offer assistance. It keeps them guilt fee and leaves me feel ing helpless. In fact, when they call and speak to her and if the conversation is even remotely normal, they say she is ok and I am exaggerating her condition. I know I have to take care of myself, too....Go figure! I tell patients every day that they need to take care of themselves and yet I seem unable to do it for myself. However, I realize that I have to take time for myself and balance out the work and caregiver thing ans I need to do it soon. Any suggestions would be warmly welcomed.

You absolutely must take care of yourself! Fortunately, my wife (76) alz 7 yrs, goes to a day care 3 x week. I have two support groups I attend while she is at DC. It would be impossible for me otherwise. Also fortunately, in NC, we have http://www.resourcesforseniors.com/index.php which provides many services and I am meeting with a lady next week from volunteer caregivers that provide respite relief. So please check out all avenues of support. My children are at very busy points in their lives, (daughter has 2, 4 & 7 year olds) so are not available. And no one else can EVER comprehend how difficult it is except those in that situation, which is why support groups are important. Some churches also may have groups for respite care. Best wishes and prayers....

Sunshine, would it be financially possible to place your mother in some kind of a senior community or nursing home? If it is, this would provide you with the relief you need. I have had a similar experience with relatives who don't realize how difficult or abusive my father can be when he's alone with me. They only see him at his best; he is still able to make himself behave when he is in a public setting.

Sunshine, I have 6 siblings that are all close enough to help, but I practically have to beg for them to come for a couple hours so that my husband and I can even go out for groceries. I left my job 2 years ago to take care of Mom 24/7. My husband and I have been away only once for 1 night in all that time. So far this year, I have paid someone over $1200 to help me out. All of my siblings have good jobs and plenty of cash, but don't offer to help me pay someone. I am in the process of getting her long term care insurance to kick in. Things are looking good! There is enough money in the policy to pay for help for at least 2 years.
Mom has parkinsons, dementia, depression and anxiety. Her parkinsons has progressed to the point that she can't walk by herself without falling down. The dementia is the worst because she can't remember that she falls when unattended.
I am lucky like Gamatthews in that I have an eldercare program that helps pay to send her to daycare 3 days a week, from 9 to 3. We are in Mass. and there are places to get help from, but it is hard to find someone to watch Mom because she is also very OCD, and will not sit still for more than a few minutes. I had to get her a "Merrywalker" in order for her to be able to stay at daycare. She needs someone 1 on 1 and they don't have enough staff for that. This walker is used in institutions because of it's safety features.
Best place to start checking for services in your area, is online. Also if there is a local senior center, they will know what services are provided in your area.
Be patient. It takes time to find the right help. Believe me, we all know that. We also know what you are going through, so let us know how you are doing.Good luck!

This advice is excellent. My sister-in-law was going through the same situation. She was near a breakdown caring for Mom. Family helped as much as they could but my sister in law felt this was her responsibilty to care for Mom. Finally we persuaded her to put 100 year old Mom in a nursing home.